


Washington, D.C.

by EloiseReed



Series: Thaw [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Brainwashing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Determined Bucky, Dog Tags, Established Relationship, Fixing Bucky, Helpful Natasha Romanov, Helpful Sam, Hiding, Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Makeover, Moving In Together, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Steve Rogers, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9226196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EloiseReed/pseuds/EloiseReed
Summary: Bucky wasn’t stupid. He knew he was about to face something that would be grueling and painful and might not have a happy ending. But he wasn’t going to face it alone, and that was something.Plus, facing it was his choice. And that was a bigger something.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, this third and final installment of this series was supposed to have been done a long time ago. I started writing it back in May. Anyway, here is the first of two halves of the final story. Picks up immediately after the end of Palm Springs.

Steve had spent a lot of time imagining the day Bucky would enter his apartment.

The fantasy of Bucky showing up at his door, or possibly his window — Steve had been sure to rent an apartment with a balcony — had been what had kept him in Washington. His imagination had conjured many scenarios, ranging from a quiet knock at the door and Steve finding Bucky looking exactly like he had in 1941, to The Winter Soldier smashing through his window to complete his mission. 

Months went by, and no version of Bucky came to Steve’s apartment. Still, Steve had refused to accept Tony’s invitation to move to Manhattan. He'd been sure that if he left Washington, he'd lose Bucky for good. At least in Washington there was a chance.

But Bucky, it had turned out, had left D.C. almost immediately after pulling Steve out of the Potomac. He'd been on the other side of the country, almost, within a week. And Steve had been left staring out his kitchen window, and searching every face in every crowd. Hoping. 

“What do you think?” Steve asked now, turning to grin at Bucky as he finally, finally stepped through the doorway of his apartment. 

“Looks nice,” Bucky said, “you've lived here awhile?”

“Just, you know, since…”

“Right.”

Bucky moved to the living area, and bent to look at some framed photos on an end table next to the couch. 

“Peggy Carter,” Bucky said, tapping his finger lightly on the glass of one of them. 

“I haven't told her,” Steve said, moving beside him, “about you. I didn't want to upset her. But she'd be happy to know you're alive. That you're safe.”

“Safe,” Bucky said. 

“There's a second bedroom. I had hoped it might be your room someday when I took this apartment. But I guess we're kinda…”

“You thought I'd show up here?”

“I just...hoped. Anyway, you should still take the room. It would be good for you to have your own space, I think.”

Bucky looked at him. “Expect I'll have my own space in prison soon enough.”

“Don't say that.”

“No point in kidding ourselves.”

Steve wasn't going to put up with this sort of talk. 

“I’ve made some impressive friends in this century,” Steve gestured to the photo next to Peggy’s, “Natasha is assembling a team of people who can help us. I’ve already told you she was once on the CIA’s most wanted list. She was given a chance to redeem herself, and there’s no reason to think you won’t be given the same chance.”

The photo was a rare one of Natasha smiling that Steve had taken with his phone and had printed out on the very high-tech printer SHIELD had given him. Bucky picked up the third framed photo. It was one that Steve had gotten from the Smithsonian, like the one of Peggy. A black and white horizontal photo of Bucky and Steve hunched over a map. Jones and Dernier were in the background. Bucky frowned at it. 

“I'm glad you made such good friends after waking up,” he said.

“I'd walk away from all of them for you.”

“Steve…”

“You know I would.”

Bucky sighed and placed the photo back with the others on the table. 

“Yeah,” he said, “I _do_ know you would. You always were shit at making decisions.”

“No. I just know what's worth fighting for,” he placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Nothing in this world matters more to me than you. If they want to try to take you down, they've got to take us down together. And I like our odds.”

Bucky snorted. “Figures you'd see it that way. A million to one chance, and all you ever see is the one.”

Steve hugged him and kissed his forehead. 

“Natasha will be in touch soon about the plan. Until then, we’re just gonna lay low and enjoy this time together.”

“Sure.”

****

Steve kept offering Bucky things. Water. Tea. Coffee. Food. Clothing. Was the temperature okay? Did he want to take a nap? A shower? He kept showing him things in the apartment, telling him to make himself at home. “What’s mine is yours!”

Bucky kept telling him that he was fine. Because he _was_ fine. He was the most fine he could ever remember being.

Bucky wasn’t stupid. He knew he was about to face something that would be grueling and painful and might not have a happy ending. But he wasn’t going to face it alone, and that was something.

Plus, facing it was his _choice._ And that was a bigger something.

Bucky knew what he’d done. He knew what had been done to him, but he also knew what he’d _done_. Steve thought the world could look past that, but Bucky wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t sure the world _should_ look past it.

Either way, Bucky was ready for whatever the world decided. Because he was done hiding. He was done being afraid. He was done not being James Buchanan Barnes.

But now, before they faced whatever unpleasantness awaited, they had this time together. This quiet before the storm. It would only be a few days, but it was _theirs_.

And goddammit they’d both earned it.

****

“Is the arm...is it okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, pulling on pyjama pants, “it's fine. It's good. Lighter. Kind of still getting used to it.”

“It looks nice,” Steve said lamely. 

Bucky smirked at him affectionately. “Makes sense, not being all shiny. Surprised Hydra didn't think of that.”

Steve patted the bed next to him. “Come here.”

Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, his back to Steve. He was shirtless. He made a move to lie down but Steve stopped him.

“Let me see,” Steve said, gently running his hand over Bucky’s broad, muscular back. 

“How's it look, doc?” 

“All healed up. The scars are gone. You'd never know…”

“This body’s been through a lot worse,” Bucky said.

The only scars left on his body were the ones around the metal arm. Steve put his hand on the new matte grey metal and kissed Bucky’s shoulder blade. He slid his hand down until his fingers met Bucky’s intricate metal ones, and they tangled together. 

“I'm so glad you're here,” Steve murmured against his skin. “Can't tell you how many times I imagined having you here in this bed with me.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm.”

Bucky's head fell back onto Steve’s shoulder. “I'm here. What’re you gonna do with me?”

“We don't have to do anything tonight, Buck. You're still recovering and-”

Steve didn't finish his sentence because he suddenly found himself flat on his back with Bucky on top of him.

“Stop being so fucking noble,” Bucky said, and kissed him until Steve couldn't think of any reasons why they shouldn't go to town on each other right now. 

“We on the same page now?” Bucky asked when they broke apart.

“Yeah,” Steve said, breathless. He jerked his hips up a little so Bucky could feel his arousal. “Absolutely.”

Bucky fucked him that night. They hadn't quite done that, back in Palm Springs. But Steve had good lube here in his own bedroom ( _really_ good lube), and they both wanted to. It was a little clumsy and awkward, with some fumbling and a lot of uncertainty met with reassurances. They had both been starving for it, though, and when it happened — when Bucky had finally pushed into Steve, filling him — both men had to pause, just to take the moment in. Steve could see everything on Bucky’s face. At first his eyes were dazed, almost dumbfounded, as if he hadn't known what to expect. Then the shock melted away and his eyes cleared until they became piercing. Focused. He looked Steve straight in the eye and his lips twitched up. 

“Hey Stevie,” he said.

“Hey, Buck.”

Bucky started moving, and Steve almost started laughing because he was so happy he didn't know what to do with it. 

“I've missed this so fucking much, Steve,” Bucky said, his thrusts getting harder, but staying controlled. Just like Steve liked it. 

“Me too. God. Me too.”

Steve watched Bucky. Just watched him like he was a movie and Steve wasn't a participant. He was so beautiful, flushed and glistening. His dark, wet lips hanging open, his eyes dark and ignited. The ends of Bucky’s long hair brushed Steve’s face sometimes, and Steve loved it. He loved him. 

Bucky put all of his weight on his metal arm, and brought his other hand to gently brush the backs of his fingers against Steve’s face. Bucky was looking at him like he couldn't possibly be real. Steve understood. 

“I'm right here, Bucky.”

Bucky's hand moved to Steve’s cock and Steve stopped being coherent. Everything was just sensation and pleasure now. He rode it as long as he could, until Bucky trembled then stilled and cried out in that same way that Steve had never forgotten. It was enough, and Steve tumbled over the edge with him. 

They didn't move for a long while after. Not even to get cleaned up. Bucky just held Steve tight and kissed his neck and shoulders. They both may have cried a bit. Not long ago Steve had given up on ever being happy again. Now he was delirious with it. 

It was a good first night at home together. 

****

Bucky blinked awake and saw only the short hairs on the back of Steve’s neck. His nose was nuzzled into the base of Steve’s skull, his flesh arm draped over Steve’s chest. He sighed happily and watched the way his breath blew the hairs around.

Steve made a sleepy noise and Bucky grinned. He felt _giddy_. He was relaxed and happy and it was so foreign and wonderful. He knew the storm clouds were on the horizon, but for now, in this room, he was content.

A weight had been removed, literally and figuratively. The arm he had hated so much was gone. He was less a product of Hydra now and more the man he had been before. Maybe he had another life in him after all. For the first time, he was excited about it.

He kissed the back of Steve’s head and Steve made another adorable noise. Then Bucky slipped out of the bed and into the bathroom to get freshened up.

He’d expected Steve to still be asleep when he returned to the bedroom, but he was already up and dressed and was putting on his sneakers. Bucky was still completely naked, and felt a little silly.

“Good morning,” Bucky said.

Steve beamed at him from where he was sitting on the (already made) bed. “It really is.”

“You goin’ somewhere?” Bucky asked as he grabbed underwear out of the dresser drawer Steve had designated as his.

“Just a quick run. And I’ll get some groceries. Any requests?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Come on. There must be something you’re craving.”

“Yeah, alright. Some sort of chocolate cookies.”

The request made Steve so happy Bucky almost couldn’t stand it.

“You got it!” He paused to kiss Bucky as he passed him. “I won’t be long. I promise.”

“S’okay. I’ll be fine.”

“I know.”

They had agreed that Bucky couldn’t leave the apartment. Not until they worked out the plan with Natasha. The risk was too high that he might be arrested, and they weren’t ready for that. Bucky was anxious to get going on whatever this plan was, though. 

When Steve returned, the grocery bags held six different kinds of chocolate cookies.

****

They had been alone together in the apartment for three days when Steve received a text from Natasha.

_Team assembled. We’ll be there tomorrow. 10am._

At 9:45am the next day, Steve was sitting on the couch with Bucky, rubbing his shoulders reassuringly.

“It’s going to be alright,” Steve said, as much to himself as to Bucky, “Natasha might be the most capable person I know.”

“Okay.”

There was a knock on their door at exactly 10am. Natasha was standing there with Sam and Maria Hill.

“The others are on their way,” Natasha said as she entered the apartment.

“There’s coffee, right?” Maria asked, heading straight for the kitchen.

“Yeah, just made it,” Steve said.

Maria poured herself a mug then strode over to Bucky. “Sergeant Barnes,” she said, “nice to finally meet you.”

“Sorry. You are?”

“Right.” She held out her hand. “Formerly Agent Maria Hill, of SHIELD. Currently Maria Hill of Stark Industries.”

“Agent Hill is the one who rescued us when we were captured by Rumlow,” Steve said, “after...the bridge.”

“Oh.”

“I _did_ do that, didn’t I?” Maria said, “I’m awesome sometimes.”

There was another knock on the door. This time it was, to Steve’s surprise, his former neighbor and secret fellow SHIELD agent...um...

“Sharon,” Natasha supplied, shooting Steve a look, “thank you for coming.”

“Of course.” She glanced at Steve. “Hello, Captain.”

“Sharon,” he said, using her actual name for the first time, “we appreciate the help. Where are you-”

“CIA,” she said, “still stationed in D.C. for now, but there’s talk of a long term assignment in Europe soon.”

“Well that’s something I have some familiarity with,” Steve said with a little smile. 

“This everyone?” Sam asked.

“We’re waiting for one more,” Natasha said, “but let's sit.” 

Steve brought the two chairs from his kitchen table into the living room. Bucky sat at one end of the couch, and Sam sat at the other. Everyone knew to leave the space in the middle for Steve. Natasha sat in the arm chair, leaving Maria and Sharon to take the wooden kitchen chairs. 

Another knock on the door and Steve was again surprised.

“Barton,” he said, “good to see you again.”

Clint Barton quickly turned Steve’s firm handshake into a brotherly hug. “Good to see you, Cap.”

“Good,” Natasha said, “then we’re all here. Clint, you can sit on the floor.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clint said, and sat cross legged next to Maria’s chair. “Hey, Hill. How's the private sector treating you?”

“Boring as hell but the money's good.”

“Alright,” Natasha said, and the room was silent. Steve sat on the couch beside Bucky. “This is our team. Operation: Thaw.”

“I like it,” Maria said. 

“Thank you,” Natasha smiled, “I never get to name missions.”

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky muttered. Steve elbowed him. 

“So far I have three phases of this plan. The first is the easy part. Bucky, we need to change your image. Fortunately, we have a really good template we can use: Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Pardon?”

“You're a hero, James. A national treasure. If we’re going to shock the world by letting them know you're still alive, let's let them see their hero.”

“So, you're saying…”

“Shave and a haircut. Probably a wardrobe change.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Makes sense.”

He could hear Steve swallow beside him. 

“And you,” Natasha looked at Steve, “have your own part to play in phase one.”

“Which is?”

“You're going to remind everyone that they love Captain America. Go big. Go public. Lots of appearances. Lots of good exposure. Make America fall in love all over again.”

“I've already begun setting some things up,” Maria said. 

“Alright,” Steve said, “good. Okay.”

“What we have working in our favour,” Natasha continued, “is that the information about the Winter Soldier project wasn't leaked to the public. Most of the world doesn't know anything about you. Unfortunately, your last mission was extremely high profile. But people don’t know much other than a man with a metal arm was involved in some attacks on SHIELD.”

“Okay,” Bucky said. 

“What that means,” Maria jumped in, “is that we can go to the right people and present you and your history without many preconceived notions. But we will have to tell them everything about your time as the Winter Soldier. This is one of those rare instances where we need to go with as much honesty as possible.”

“Agreed,” said Steve.

Bucky spoke up. “Good. I want this to be over, one way or the other. No secrets left to dredge up. Come clean, and let the pieces fall.”

Most of the room nodded.

“So we get you looking less, you know,” Maria said, with a circular hand gesture toward Bucky’s overall physical appearance, “and we get your story straight — your completely honest and true story — and maybe make sure it's a little heavier on the heart wrenching tragedy and a little lighter on the gory details, and then…”

“And then I set up a meeting with my boss,” Sharon said. “You and Steve both. Bucky, you are going to offer to turn yourself in. You won't be arrested. He will definitely want to hear your story first. He happens to be a pretty huge fan of the Howling Commandos.”

“Alright.”

“You are going to tell him everything. When you’re done, you will offer again to turn yourself in.”

“Then what?”

“Then my boss has to decide if he really wants to be the one to arrest Captain America’s best friend and one of America’s greatest war heroes.”

“Not to ruin the party,” Sam said, “but maybe your boss wants to be the one to bring in the legendary Winter Soldier.”

“Well,” Sharon said, “if we do this right, he won't want to be the one who has to make that choice. I think we may gain a powerful ally by the time we’re done with him.”

“So that's phase two,” Steve said, “what's the third stage?”

“My favourite part,” Natasha said, “Bucky offers up useful information about remaining Hydra bases, and we take them all out.”

“But not as a trade,” Sharon said quickly, “you have to just offer the information as if you know you’re going to jail either way. You just want Hydra to be destroyed and will do anything to assist with that.”

“I will,” Bucky said, “that's not a lie at all.”

“Good,” said Sharon. 

Steve took Bucky’s hand and squeezed it. 

“Alright,” Natasha said, turning to Bucky, “Are you ready for phase one of the plan?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “let’s do it.”

“Are _you_ going to cut his hair?” Steve asked.

“Of course not,” Natasha said, “Clint is.”

“Clint?”

Natasha shrugged. “He cuts _my_ hair. He’s good at it.”

“I can French braid, too,” Clint said, twirling a pair of barber’s shears he had pulled out of somewhere. “Coulda been a hairdresser to the stars, in another life. Where do you wanna do this?”

“Um,” Bucky said.

“Can we just have a minute?” Steve asked, his voice higher and more frantic than usual. He cleared his throat. “Sorry, just. Can I just talk to Bucky privately for a moment?” He placed his hand on Bucky’s arm and gently tugged him toward their bedroom. “Just be a minute.”

Bucky wasn’t sure what to expect when Steve closed the door behind them. So he waited and watched Steve’s back as Steve gathered his thoughts. Finally, Steve turned and said,

“You don’t...you don’t have to pretend to be...him.”

“I _am_ him.”

“I know. But you know what I mean.”

“C’mon,” Bucky smirked, “like you’re not dying to see what I’ll look like without all this.” He pulled a strand of his long hair away from his face.

“I’m not,” Steve said. He moved closer and gently pinched a lock of hair between two fingers, running them down to the ends. “To be honest, I’m gonna miss this look.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve smiled, “It’s...sexy.”

Bucky barked out a laugh in surprise. “Jesus, Steve.”

Steve cradled Bucky’s face with both hands and kissed him. 

“Gonna miss the stubble, too,” Steve murmured when they broke apart.

“I'll grow it back. The hair too, if you want.”

“Only what _you_ want, Bucky. Every choice is yours now.”

“I choose to do whatever makes you kiss me like that.”

Steve grinned and kissed him again. 

“You don't have to do a damn thing to get me to kiss you like that.”

****

Maria distracted Steve while Bucky got his make-over by going over the public appearances she had booked for him. Sharon had left, apologizing but explaining that she was going behind her bosses backs here, so the sooner she left the better. She told Steve they could meet soon so she could coach him on meeting her director. 

Bucky had shaved first, then Natasha and Clint had taken him into the bedroom to cut his hair. On their way in, Steve heard Barton say to Bucky, “I'm Clint, by the way. None of these rude assholes thought to introduce us.”

Steve drummed his fingers nervously on the table while Maria talked to him. 

“Rogers, I'm gonna have to ask you to knock that off,” Maria said. “We can scrap the Colbert appearance if you want, but I didn't think you were one for stage fright.”

“No, it's fine,” Steve said, “it's not that. I'm just...nothing. Continue.”

Maria looked at him, then closed her padfolio. “He's going to walk through that door soon,” she said, gesturing to the bedroom, “and you're not sure if you're ready to see him.”

Steve grimaced. “I want whatever is best for him. I just...these last few weeks have been pretty...strange.”

“Just the past few weeks?” she smirked. “Nothing weird about the years before them?”

“Strang _er_.”

“I can promise you, Rogers, we are all going to do whatever it takes to see that you two get all the happiness you deserve. You guys are cute as hell, and I want nothing more than to see you two holding hands at the sock hop or whatever.”

“What decade do you think I’m from?”

She waved a hand. “Olden times. I don’t know. But I do know I want to see you happy. And I am a pretty determined person when I want something. I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

Steve smiled. “Thanks, Maria. Really.”

“Okay, let’s talk children’s programming.”

****

Steve turned when he heard the bedroom door open. Natasha and Clint walked out.

“He’d like to see you,” Natasha said, and gently squeezed Steve’s shoulder. Steve stood and strode to the door without hesitation.

He was momentarily confused when he walked in because the bedroom was empty. Then he heard the bathroom door open and Bucky walked out with his head down.

When Bucky raised his head to look at Steve, Steve felt the whole planet shift. 

In a plain white t-shirt, his face clean shaven and his hair cut short and parted on the side, Bucky looked just like…

“Does it...is it okay?” Bucky asked.

Steve tried to form words. He braced himself against the dresser, worried that his knees might give out on him.

“Steve? You alright?”

“Yeah,” Steve closed his eyes a moment, “yeah. Sorry. I’m just...I mean, I know they told me, but…”

“So...it looks okay? It looks...right?”

Steve tried to tell him that yes, yes it looked exactly right, but he was overcome with emotion. He just pressed his lips together and nodded as the man he’d known all his life grew blurry from tears.

“Hey,” Bucky said, his voice soft and comforting as he closed the distance between them. He wrapped his arms tightly around Steve and bent his head to nuzzle Steve’s neck. 

“Sorry,” Steve said, finding his voice now that he couldn’t see Bucky’s face, “I just didn’t expect you to look so much...like you used to. I don’t know why. I should have, obviously.”

“Here,” Bucky said, taking a step back, “try again.”

Steve closed his eyes and took a breath. When he opened them, Bucky had a little smile on his lips, and Steve grinned back at him.

“Hi, Bucky,” Steve said.

“Hi, Steve.”

“Geez, look at you. If it wasn’t for the arm I’d think…”

“Well, this isn’t going to make things any less weird, but…” Bucky pulled something out of the pocket of his jeans. A long, silver chain.

“They’re not, you know, authentic, but they look real enough,” he explained as he looped the chain around his neck. “Natasha thought it might be good to remind people…”

Steve stared at the dogtags that now hung down over the white cotton that pulled across Bucky’s chest. He put his hand on his head, suddenly dizzy again.

“Oh wow,” he said, “those, uh, they really complete the look.”

“You still have yours somewhere?”

“Yeah. I do,” Steve said, reaching out to grasp the tags, to run his thumb over the lettering that spelled out James B. Barnes. 

“You should wear them again. I always liked how they looked.”

Bucky’s smile got a little filthy and Steve nearly died on the spot. His mouth was dry when he said,

“I’ll definitely wear them again.”

The shock of seeing Bucky like this again had passed and was quickly replaced by something else. Every memory Steve had of the two of them during the war surfaced at once. He closed his fist over the tags and pulled. Bucky came to him easily.

They kissed and it was different. It wasn’t excited and terrified and clumsy like when they were kids. It wasn’t hurried and desperate like during the war. It wasn’t relieved and amazed and tense and uncertain like it had been since they reunited. It was an acknowledgement of their entire history together, and a promise for their future. Steve knew in that moment there would be no stopping them, and he was so turned on he could barely function.

“Don’t,” Bucky huffed, “don’t suppose all those people have cleared out of your apartment yet?”

“ _Our_ apartment,” Steve corrected him, “and fuck. Let’s kick ‘em out.”

They both took a moment to compose themselves. Steve smoothed his own t-shirt down a bit, and Bucky ran fingers through his newly short, disheveled hair. The movement was so familiar and so sexy that Steve almost stopped caring about the small army of friends waiting for them just on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Okay,” Steve said, mostly to himself, “let’s go out there and talk to them and wrap this meeting up as quickly as possible.”

****

Natasha was the last to leave and Bucky was sure she was taking her time on purpose. No one who could read people as easily as she did would be able to miss how fidgety Steve was. Bucky would have found it amusing, except he felt the same way Steve did.

When she finally left, with a promise to come by tomorrow with more instructions, Steve couldn’t flick the deadbolt fast enough.

“Bedroom,” Steve said, already marching toward the room, “right now.”

Bucky didn’t need to be told twice. He hadn’t seen Steve like this in...well, he really hadn’t _ever_ seen Steve like this. It was hot as hell.

The first thing Steve did, to Bucky’s surprise, was open the closet door and take a small box down from the top shelf. From it, he took out a smaller box. He opened it and pulled his own dog tags from it. Bucky grinned. He took the chain from Steve and looped it around Steve’s neck. Then he tucked the tags under the collar of Steve’s t-shirt, and did the same with his own.

Steve gave a quick nod and that was all either of them could take. Steve lunged at Bucky, nearly toppling them both over as he crushed his mouth. One hand firmly gripped the back of Bucky’s head, the other was pushing Bucky’s t-shirt up over his belly.

Steve walked Bucky back against the wall, never breaking the kiss. Bucky frantically grabbed at Steve’s shirt, trying to pull it up or tear it off. Whichever. Steve got the hint and stepped back a second so he could haul it over his head, and Bucky did the same. Bucky admired the dogtags against Steve’s bare chest, and was hit simultaneously with palpable nostalgia and arousal. 

“Oh my God,” he heard Steve murmur to himself. Steve's eyes were on Bucky’s chest, and when they flicked up to meet Bucky’s own, they were dark and wild.

Steve pressed him back against the wall again, kissing him hard and possessively. His hand covered the bulge in Bucky’s jeans and squeezed. Bucky gasped against Steve’s mouth and pushed his hips forward. He felt Steve's fingers on the fly of his jeans, pulling and opening. Then Steve dropped to his knees and yanked Bucky’s jeans and briefs down in one fluid motion. Bucky didn't even have time to react before Steve’s mouth was on him. 

Bucky cried out, his head slamming back against the wall. “Jesus. Fuck. Steve.”

It felt so fucking good. Not just what Steve was doing with his mouth, but everything. The way they both caught fire for each other, as they always had. This urgent, desperate need to get off, just like the rare moments they could steal during the war. Except now they didn't need to be careful. Or quiet. 

“Fucking gorgeous like this, Steve. Christ, look at you.” Steve glanced up to meet Bucky’s gaze and, fuck. Those eyes. All that steely determination Captain America was so famous for, completely focused on taking Bucky apart. 

Bucky reached down with his flesh hand and stroked the side of Steve’s face. He stopped himself from saying something that Steve would hate, like how Bucky didn't deserve him, or how Bucky couldn't believe how lucky he was. Instead he kept his eyes locked with Steve’s, and moved his hand into Steve’s hair. 

Steve kept sucking, licking. His gaze unwavering as he pulled everything out of Bucky like a challenge. Like getting Bucky off was his mission. Bucky was quickly losing his composure. His mouth hung open and he tried to tell Steve everything with his eyes. _I love you. You're everything to me and you amaze me every day. And you found me. You found me. You saved me. You always save me…_

“Ah! Fuck! I-”

And that was all the warning he could give before his orgasm ripped through him and he unloaded down Steve’s throat. 

Bucky curled forward, boneless, and Steve caught him. He stood and captured Bucky’s mouth and Bucky kissed him eagerly. There were so many things he wanted to do to Steve.

“On the bed,” Bucky said between kisses. “Strip. Now.”

Steve took the orders and within seconds had playfully thrown himself on the bed, naked except the dog tags. Bucky stripped off his own pants quickly and joined him. 

While Bucky tried to decide what he wanted to do first, Steve grabbed him by the chain around his neck and pulled him down until their faces nearly touched. 

“I want you to fuck me. Right now.”

“Are you-”

“Right. _Now_. Bucky.”

Bucky didn't think he could possibly be _more_ turned on, but his dick definitely agreed with Steve’s plan, despite having just gotten off (thanks for the serum, Zola). He lubed himself up quickly, and Steve turned over and got on his knees and elbows. Not how they usually did it, but Steve clearly wanted to feel this one tomorrow (as if that were possible).

“Let me know if it's too much,” Bucky said as he lined up.

“Don't flatter yourself,” Steve said dryly.

“Such a punk.” Bucky pushed his way in. It wasn't easy, but it was so tight and so good. If he hadn't come already…

Once he was in and able to move, Bucky was ruthless. He slammed into Steve as hard and as fast as he could because that’s what Steve wanted. At first Steve had been repeating Bucky’s name and swearing but he quickly lost the ability to do anything but grunt and whimper. Bucky loved it. 

Bucky was struck with sudden inspiration. He remembered how Steve had reacted back in Palm Springs when Bucky had held him down with his metal hand. He decided to try that again. Because this may have started because they’d remembered how good they used to be together, but maybe a little reminder that they weren't exactly the same...

He placed the palm of his new metal hand between Steve’s shoulder blades and pressed as hard as he dared. Steve’s face pressed down into the mattress, and Bucky heard him gasp. Bucky held him there, using enough pressure that Steve legitimately would have had a hard time moving if he wanted to. He waited to make sure Steve was okay with this.

“Oh my God. Oh my God, Bucky. Don't...don't stop.”

With that permission, Bucky resumed his hard thrusts, gripping Steve’s hip with his flesh hand and trying not to lose control of the metal one. 

“You love this, don't you Stevie? Always were a glutton for punishment.”

“Yes! Yes. Fuck. _God_.”

Bucky’s climax was coming fast. He wanted to reach around and get a hand on Steve’s dick but he didn't want to move the metal one, and he needed the flesh one for balance. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Bucky sighed, because the sappy pet names often made an appearance when he was this far gone, “so good to me. So good…”

His conundrum of how he was going to get Steve off was solved a second later when Steve yelled like Bucky had stabbed him and came all over the bedsheets. Bucky kept fucking him, kept holding him down, until he came even harder than he had the first time. 

He pulled out carefully and collapsed beside Steve. 

“Bucky. Holy shit.”

Bucky laughed breathlessly. “Yeah. That seemed okay for you, huh?”

Steve laughed too. “That was very, very okay. That was perfect.” He rolled onto his side and kissed Bucky quickly. “You’re perfect.”

“That's probably the sort of thing the public doesn't need to know about Captain America. His love of rough sex.”

“No,” Steve smiled at him, “we’ll keep that between us.”

****

“Turn it off.”

“No chance.”

“Please,” Steve begged, “it’s embarrassing.”

“Quiet. I can’t hear.”

Steve groaned and sank lower into the couch. On the television he was showing a late night talk show host how to properly throw the shield.

“You get more control when you throw it underhand,” the Steve on the television explained cheerfully. The host pretended that the weight of the shield was causing him to lose his balance. The audience laughed.

On the other end of the couch in their living room, Bucky laughed too.

Steve had only gotten home from taping this in New York an hour ago. He had hoped Bucky had decided to turn in early, but no. Of course not. Bucky wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to laugh at Steve.

On the television, a giant yellow happy face piñata descended from the studio ceiling. 

“You need anything?” the host asked, as Steve positioned himself on the other side of the stage, shield ready. “Some throwing music?”

“Sure. How about something modern?” The Steve on the television turned to the house band. “You fellas know anything by Bing Crosby?”

That got a big laugh. On the couch, Steve covered his face with a pillow.

“Such a showman,” Bucky commented, and nudged Steve’s thigh with his toe.

After a lot of build-up, including a drum roll, television Steve threw the shield and expertly smashed the pinata, confetti flying everywhere. The shield curled gracefully in the air and returned to Steve, who caught it effortlessly.

“Amazing!” the host said, applauding with the audience, “How are you able to throw so accurately?”

“Practice. A healthy diet. Oh...and volunteering myself for a secret military experiment seventy years ago. That helped.”

Huge laughs. The host shook his hand, Steve flashed his bond salesman smile and slapped him companionably on the back. He waved to the crowd and to the cameras. 

At home, Bucky applauded along with the audience.

“Fuck off,” Steve said, and threw the pillow at him. Bucky dodged it and laughed. 

“You’d get more control if you threw it underhand, you know.”

Steve leapt across the couch, covering Bucky, pinning his wrists to the arm of the couch. 

“Fuck you, you asshole,” Steve said, then leaned down to kiss him.

“First time for everything,” Bucky smirked.

That threw Steve for a moment. Because he hadn’t ever...it had always been the other way around. 

“You’d like that?” Steve tested.

Bucky’s face changed. No longer teasing.

“Been thinking about it. Guess it’s just one more thing that’s changed about me.”

Steve considered this, then kissed Bucky again.

“Something new to try,” he said with a little smile.

“You wanna write it in your fucking notebook?” Bucky asked, the teasing smirk back on his face.

Steve punched him in the shoulder and stood up.

“I’m going to bed.”

****

Steve was gone a lot over the next couple of weeks. Lots of television appearances, some public events. Now he was in Los Angeles taping another couple of talk shows and something called a podcast.

The others had dropped in to visit Bucky while Steve was away. Sam, mostly. Sometimes Natasha, although she was with Steve in L.A. right now. He hadn’t seen the blonde CIA lady again. Or the tough-looking one...Hill? Clint came with Natasha once. Bucky liked Clint.

When Natasha came to visit, she brought him things. Mostly clothing. She had explained that he needed to adopt a new “look.” He needed to look like a modern version of the 1940s James Barnes. He should look non-threatening, heroic, and, above all, American.

His new wardrobe consisted of a lot of white t-shirts, soft wool sweaters, dark blue jeans, and, by no accident at all, a navy pea coat.

“Stay away from black,” Natasha had told him.

“What, like _you_ did?”

“I look amazing in black.”

She had also given him some soft brown leather gloves, mostly to cover the metal hand but also because it was February in Washington D.C., not that he ever went out in the cold.

Bucky was _bored_.

He had read every book in the apartment (none of them fiction, come on, Steve), and had watched too much television, even for someone who had seventy years of pop culture to catch up on. He prepared simple meals. He cleaned the apartment, not that he ever messed it up. He flipped through Steve’s sketchbooks quite a few times. Sometimes Steve would send him text messages, which Bucky would receive on a phone Natasha had supplied him with a week ago. Sometimes, on rare occasions when Steve was alone and it was safe, Steve would call him. The conversations were always short, but Bucky was living for them now.

Steve was getting back tonight. He had told Bucky he would probably be home by nine. Bucky had decided the day before to try to do something special for Steve. A romantic gesture, or whatever. He had enlisted Sam to help, because Bucky was stuck in the damn apartment. Sam’s number was one of the few that had been programmed into Bucky’s phone.

After Bucky had awkwardly explained his plan, Sam assured him he’d take care of everything. He had shown up just over an hour later with grocery bags. 

“Spaghetti Bolognese!” He had announced. “A Sam Wilson specialty. I teach you this recipe and your boy will never leave you.”

“Think he would have done that by now, if he was gonna.”

Sam had piled ingredients on the counter and slapped a sheet of paper down with a typed-out recipe for pasta sauce. He spent the next half hour going over every step of the recipe, pausing several times to emphasize that something was “very, _very_ important”.

There had been more things in the bags. Candles, candlestick holders, red wine, wine glasses (“Rogers doesn't own a damn thing,” Sam had grumbled). Sam had shown Bucky how to play music on his phone, and how to use the wireless speaker Sam had bought for Steve (still in the box).

“Thanks for your help,” Bucky had said, “I must be out of my mind with boredom if I'm getting this mushy but...I just wanted to do something nice for him. He’s doing all this for me.”

“For both of you, man. Don't forget that.”

Bucky had nodded.

“I'm glad you called me,” Sam had continued, “I gotta say, I've been feeling kind of useless. I wasn't really given anything specific to do for this whole operation. And, I, uh…”

Sam had folded his arms and looked at the ground, clearly embarrassed. Bucky understood.

“You were his support. His friend,” Bucky had said, “and now I'm back.”

Sam had looked up. “Stupid, I know. I know I'm not...I'm just a guy he met a few months ago. You’re…” He’d made a sweeping gesture with his hands. “You know. _You_.”

Bucky had offered a small smile, then put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I’m glad Steve met you, and I’m glad you're friends. I’m not replacing you. There’s plenty of Steve to go around. And he loves you.”

Sam had started a bit at that, and then smiled. “Yeah, well. He's got great taste.”

Now, Bucky was standing next to their little dining table, which was dressed up with a midnight blue tablecloth (Sam), cloth napkins (Sam again), plus the candles. He had their only dinner plates and cutlery arranged at their places (nothing fancy, but nice enough), and the bottle of wine opened and breathing (because that was a thing you were supposed to do). 

Billie Holiday played from the little speaker on top of the fridge. The overhead lights were dimmed. The whole apartment smelled like delicious, rich tomato sauce.

Steve walked through the door at 9:20. 

“Hey, Bucky...what in the world?”

“Hey Steve.”

Steve walked over to the table, taking in the scene, and smiled.

“What have you been up to, Buck?”

“Just felt like doing something nice for my best guy.”

Steve wrapped his gigantic arms around him and kissed him. “You didn't have to do all this. We've never…”

“I know. But maybe we do now.”

Steve’s smile was so loving it was almost unbearable. 

“Maybe we do,” he agreed. 

They sat and Bucky poured wine that wouldn't affect them in the slightest into their glasses. The spaghetti was delicious, and Steve moaned around every bite. He was flabbergasted that Bucky could make something so delicious, to the point that Bucky was a little offended. 

They had two servings each while Steve talked about Los Angeles. They finished the bottle of pointless wine. As they were cleaning up, Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him into a little slow dance to the music. It was stupid and Bucky loved it. 

They kissed and laughed together and went to the bedroom and had unhurried, indulgent sex before falling asleep happily in each other's arms. 

****

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.” To leave this goddamn apartment? Hell yes, Bucky was ready.

Steve squeezed his shoulder, then reached out to brush Bucky’s bangs to the side. Bucky could see in Steve’s eyes how scared he was.

“They aren’t gonna execute me on the spot,” Bucky said. Steve grimaced.

“I know. I just...these past few weeks have been nice.”

Bucky snorted. “You wanna keep me a prisoner in your apartment forever?”

Steve looked horrified, as Bucky had expected, and stepped back.

“No. Of course not. Let’s go.”

“Sharon will meet us in the underground garage at the CIA headquarters,” said Natasha, who had, right, been standing there the whole time. “I’ve been given clearance to enter.” 

“I look okay?” Bucky asked, holding his arms out.

“Perfect,” Natasha said. She had chosen the crisp, light grey suit he was wearing, with a dark blue tie and one of the brown leather gloves on his left hand. Steve was also wearing a suit, darker grey and with a similar blue tie (“Shows unity,” Natasha had explained).

Bucky walked out the front doors of the apartment building and into the cold, grey day. He took a deep breath of frigid air and pulled the collar of his navy pea coat up. He got into the back seat of the black SUV Natasha was driving, and Steve got into the passenger seat.

Bucky fidgeted with the buttons on his coat, and the snap on his glove. He was silent the entire drive to Fairfax, and Steve and Natasha only exchanged a few quiet words. They were granted access to the garage without issue, and they spotted Sharon quickly.

Sharon looked at both men and nodded. “You look good. Director Walker is waiting. He’s...I don’t want to say excited, but…”

Steve straightened his shoulders and Bucky could practically see him putting on an invisible Captain America uniform. Bucky tried to straighten up, too. He wasn’t sure how he should look when he met the director. Natasha, Sharon and Maria had all given him pointers for this meeting, but was still uncertain as hell. 

_Be honest_. Natasha had told him. _This isn’t a role. This isn’t undercover. We’re telling the truth here._

Sharon punched a code into the elevator and swiped a card. She gave Bucky a small smile as the elevator ascended. Bucky nodded at her. Steve was looking straight ahead at the doors, every part of him steely and determined. Bucky could see the tension in his jaw. On a whim, he reached out and grabbed Steve’s hand, gave it a quick squeeze, and released it. Steve looked at him, and seemed to relax a bit.

They got off on the top floor. Sharon led them to a set of doors that required another swipe of her card, and then down a hallway.

“Agent Sharon Carter to see Director Walker,” Sharon said to a very professional-looking woman who sat outside some impressive wooden doors. “He’s expecting us.”

Bucky glanced at Steve. _Agent Carter!_ Steve’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything.

“Yes, Agent Carter. He told me to let you in right away.”

She stood and opened the door, glancing first at Steve, then at Bucky as they walked past.

The Director’s office was huge and bright, with windows lining two walls. The man behind the desk stood as soon as they entered the room, and strode over with his hand extended.

“Captain Rogers,” he said, “it’s truly an honour.”

Steve shook his hand. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate you taking the time to meet with us.”

“Of course. Agent Carter told me you have something very important to discuss with me. I’m thinking it might have something to do with the recent incident in Palm Springs.” His eyes kept darting over to Bucky. “Why don’t we sit?” He gestured to a table and chairs to one side of the room.

“Natasha Romanoff I know, of course,” the Director said, once they were seated “but I don’t believe I’ve met this young man.” He looked at Bucky.

Bucky swallowed. _Young._

“This man is why we’re here,” Steve said. He paused, and looked at Bucky. “Director Walker, I’d like to introduce Sergeant James Barnes.”

Walker looked at Bucky, then at Steve, then at Bucky again. 

“I beg your pardon, Captain?”

“I know. It’s crazy. But one thing I’ve learned about this century is that anything is possible.”

Walker looked hard at Bucky, and Bucky knew he recognized him. If this man was as big a fan of the Howling Commandos as Sharon had described, he knew it was him.

“Is this true, uh, Sergeant?”

“Yes sir,” Bucky said, speaking for the first time.

“You want to explain to me how that’s possible?”

Bucky looked at Steve. They had agreed that Bucky would tell his own story. Didn’t make it easy.

“I’ve been a prisoner of Hydra since 1944,” Bucky began, “when I fell from the train in Austria, I didn’t die.”

Walker leaned forward. “How?”

“I had been experimented on, by Hydra, while I was in captivity in Azzano, sir. I was given serum...similar to what transformed Steve, er, Captain Rogers.”

“You were given Erskine’s serum?”

“No,” Bucky said quickly, “I wasn’t. Not Erskine’s. It was...different. But it kept me from dying when I fell.”

“You must have been in rough shape, though. Serum or no serum.”

“Yes, sir. I was barely conscious. Most of my left arm was gone. They found me.”

“Who found you? Hydra?”

“Yes, sir. They took me...somewhere. Operated on me. I woke up with…”

He looked at Steve. This was where he showed his cards.

“I woke up with a metal arm, replacing the one that was missing.”

“A metal…” Walker straightened. His eyes were almost scared. “Sergeant, what exactly have you been doing for the past seven decades?”

“Hydra performed extensive brainwashing and mind control experiments on me. Eventually...they worked.”

“Are you telling me-”

“For over sixty years, I was the Hydra-trained assassin known as the Winter Soldier.”

Walker looked at Steve, then at Sharon.

“Is this a joke?” he asked.

“No,” Bucky said, removing the glove on his left hand. It wasn’t the same hand, it wasn’t _Hydra’s_ hand, but it still made his point. “Not a joke, sir. Not at all.”

Walker stared at the metal fingers.

“He had no choice, sir,” Steve jumped in, obviously unable to contain himself any longer, “none of his actions as the Winter Soldier were his own. He had no memory of who he was, and they _used_ him. They _tortured_ him. They-”

Natasha placed a hand over Steve’s, which had curled into a tight fist on the table. He exhaled.

“Sergeant Barnes was a prisoner of war, sir,” Steve said, “One that the Army didn’t know about, but he was. That whole time.”

Natasha placed a file on the table.

“This will provide you with answers to a lot of the questions you must have, Director,” she said. It was the Winter Soldier file. The one she had given to Steve, and that Bucky had read. “As you can imagine, this is difficult for both Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes to talk about.”

Walker took the file.

“Why are you here? Why are you telling me this?” he asked, looking mostly at Steve.

“I want to turn myself in, sir,” Bucky said. “I have been on the run, trying to figure out who I was — who I am — for most of the past year. I’m tired of hiding. If I’m to be tried and punished, I’d rather just get it over with.”

It was clear from Walker’s face that Sharon had been right about him: he did not want to be the one to arrest Sergeant James Barnes.

“You believe you should be punished for your crimes?”

“No,” Steve said quickly. Dummy.

“If the American government believes I should be punished, I’ll accept that,” Bucky said, “I wasn’t in control of my actions, but I still committed murder for Hydra. I understand if my government can’t overlook that.”

Walker looked hard at him, then at the file in front of him.

“God damn it,” he swore, “this is a real fucking mess, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir.” Bucky said.

“If I may,” Steve said, “Bucky, uh, Sergeant Barnes, is the best man I’ve ever known. He’s my best friend. He was my right hand man during the war, and I’m damn happy to have him back. It could have just as easily been me that fell off that train, that was captured and used by Hydra. His time as their prisoner doesn’t erase the fact that he is a hero, and a good man.”

“A good man who, if I’m not mistaken, shot up a whole lot of D.C. a few months ago,” Walker said.

“He also saved my life,” Steve said, omitting the part about Bucky nearly ending his life first.

Walker was silent a moment, seemingly deep in thought, then leaned forward and looked hard at Sharon. “None of this leaves this room, Agent. Until I can make a decision, this stays between us.” He turned to look at Bucky, “I’m not going to arrest you. Not yet. I want you back here tomorrow morning. All of you. Until then, you are Agent Carter’s responsibility. I trust you won’t make that job difficult for her.”

“No, sir,” Steve said quickly.

Walker sighed. “For decades now the Winter Soldier was the holy grail of this organization. There’s no one we wanted to capture more. And now you’re telling me the Winter Soldier is sitting in my office, turning himself in, and that he’s Captain America’s best friend. I didn’t get to this position by not being able to make a tough decision, but Christ Almighty…”

“Thank you for your time, Director,” Natasha said, standing. Clearly she knew when to make an exit. “As you know, I’m in favour of second chances. I believe the information in that file will assist you with your decision.”

They left, and Sharon walked with them to their car. When they reached it, she got into the back seat next to Bucky.

“Looks like I’m riding with you guys,” she said with a smile.

Steve let his head fall back against the headrest and exhaled. “Did that go okay?”

“It went very well,” Sharon assured him. She turned to Bucky. “ _My government_. Great line.”

“Oh,” Bucky said, “thanks.”

“I’m _starving,_ ” Natasha announced, “drive-thru on the way home?”

****

“I was kinda hoping he’d arrest me,” Bucky said as they entered the apartment, “woulda been a nice change of scenery.

Steve rolled his eyes and set the bags of greasy fast food on the dining room table.

“Where are my onion rings?” Natasha asked, poking through the bags. “A-ha!”

“The hell are onion rings?” Bucky asked.

“Pretty much explain themselves, Barnes,” Natasha said, holding out the little carton of crispy golden rings. Bucky took one and bit into it. Good.

They ate and it was very obvious to Bucky that Steve had something on his mind. He wanted to ask him, but he was kind of enjoying watching Steve’s face.

“Sharon,” Steve finally said, “I didn’t know your last name before today, I guess. I know it’s a common name, but any chance you’re related to-”

“Peggy Carter is my aunt. My _great_ aunt.”

Steve looked dazed.

“She...she is?”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t tell anyone, really. She’s a lot to live up to.”

“She certainly is,” Steve said, with a distant smile.

“The way she talks about you,” Sharon continued, “I didn't think you could possibly be all that she says you are. But…”

Steve flushed a bit. “Oh I don't...I'm sure she was exaggerating.”

“Not from what I've seen.”

Steve smirked a bit, “I didn't know you were looking.”

 _Good lord,_ Bucky thought, _is Steve trying to flirt with her?_

Sharon smiled back at Steve. Bucky frowned. 

“So,” Natasha said, breaking the worst romantic tension ever, “tomorrow’s meeting will be important. This is where you offer up intel that will help the American government wipe out Hydra.”

“Right,” Bucky said.

“You want to go over that intel with me one more time, or are you good?”

“I'm good. It's something I'm sort of an expert in.”

Natasha nodded. “And you're ready to help? If they ask?”

Bucky looked at Steve. “Yes.”

“You don't have to fight, Bucky,” Steve said, “you can just let us-”

“You really think I'm gonna let you go into battle without me there to watch your back? Surprised you're even still alive.”

“Hey,” Natasha said, “he's only died, like, twice.”

“Thanks, Nat.”

****

“So I've read your file,” Director Walker said as soon a they sat down the next morning, “and it was definitely unpleasant. I happen to have an unpleasant file of my own.” He slid a giant, overstuffed file folder across the table to them. 

Steve took it.

“What's this?”

“That,” Walked said, “is everything the CIA knows about the Winter Soldier, at least until yesterday. Fifty years of what many were calling a ghost story. A merciless killer with a metal arm that no one could catch or even lay eyes on for more that a few seconds. No one that survived, anyway.”

Steve looked at Bucky. Bucky grimaced. 

“Hydra used Sergeant Barnes as a weapon,” Steve said, “no different from a gun. He had no choice. They would just point him at the target and-”

Walker held up a hand.

“I appreciate your loyalty to your friend, Captain, but we all know this situation is a lot more complicated than that.”

“With all due respect, sir,” Steve said, “I don't think it is.”

“Steve…” Bucky said.

Walker turned his focus to Bucky, and reached over to take the file from Steve. He flipped it open.

“If everything in here is accurate, you have killed some very important people over the past six decades. Including some very important _Americans_.”

“Yes, sir,” Bucky said, “I have.”

“Did you know,” Walked asked Steve, “that the Winter Soldier murdered Howard and Maria Stark? I believe you know their son.”

Steve did not like his tone. “I did know that. _Sir.”_

“You can understand, Captain, why I can't just let this go.”

“Not asking you to,” Bucky said. He was practically mumbling. He sounded so defeated it broke Steve’s heart. “I know I deserve to be tried, jailed. Hell, executed, if we're being perfectly honest. I’m ready to face that. But I just want to make sure of one thing.”

“What's that, Sergeant?”

“I want Hydra to be wiped out. Not just for what they did to me. For everything. Unspeakable horrors that I can tell you all about, if you can stomach it. I can tell you where their bases are, where their resources are. I can give you everything.”

Walker looked interested. Natasha went in for the kill.

“Director, I would like you to consider allowing Captain Rogers and myself to assemble a team to take out the Hydra bases, using Sergeant Barnes’ intel.”

“And, what? Barnes would go too? Just leave American soil?”

“I don't have to go,” Bucky said, “but I would like to. I know I can't be trusted, but I can assure you I have no intention of running from you. Like I've been saying, I'm ready to accept my punishment.”

Steve had had enough. He knew the plan, understood it, but he just couldn't let Bucky say these things. 

“This is ridiculous,” Steve said, standing. “Sergeant Barnes is an American hero, and a prisoner of war who has suffered enough for a hundred lifetimes. We shouldn't even be talking about punishment or trials. We should only be talking about how we can welcome him back.”

Walker looked hard at Steve, then sighed.

“Let’s say I agree to your plan,” Walker said, “from what I understand, Hydra has ways of controlling Sergeant Barnes. If they capture him while you are attacking them…”

Steve almost smiled, because he knew in that moment they had Walker on side.

“As you’re aware, Director,” Natasha said, “I have been successfully deprogrammed myself. I would like to work with Barnes prior to these missions. I would like to make the trigger words that Hydra has programmed him with obsolete.”

Walker looked hard at all of them. “You know,” he said, nodding at Natasha, “the United States government is only sort of okay with _you_. They’re _really_ not a fan of the Winter Soldier. If it wasn’t for Captain Rogers here I’d be having all of you arrested, including my agent.”

Sharon shifted a bit but stayed stone faced. 

“But,” he continued, “there’s a lot of grey area here. A whole hell of a lot. And the grey area is where I live. And, frankly, I’m inclined to believe Captain America when he vouches for someone. So, yes, Romanoff. If you want to take a crack at deprogramming Barnes, and we can confirm that he is clear of Hydra’s control, then sure. Form a team. But Carter’s going with you.”

Natasha glanced at Carter, who smiled a little.

“Thank you, Director,” Natasha said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want us to be as safe and happy and _normal_ as possible,” Bucky said. “I know that we'll never be perfect in any of those categories, but I need to try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy smokes it's finished! Here's the final installment of this trilogy!

“You sure this is the right spot?” Steve asked. They had pulled up across the street from a small pawn shop. It was just after eleven o’clock at night and there were no lights on, inside or out.

“Yes,” Natasha said firmly.

“It doesn’t look like much,” Sam said.

“Never does,” Natasha said.

Steve looked at Sam, who shrugged.

Natasha got out of the car and walked to the front door of the shop. Sam and Steve followed.

“We’re just going through the front door?” Steve asked.

Natasha didn’t reply. She just whipped out a device that quickly decoded the password-protected lock on the door, which, yes, was probably too sophisticated for a simple pawn shop.

When the door unlocked, Natasha pulled two guns out of her holsters and nodded at Steve, who removed the shield from his back. Sam pulled out his own pistols.

“Ready to have some fun?” Natasha asked.

Steve gave her a grin while Sam muttered “You guys are crazy.”

They opened the door.

****

“That was definitely not just a pawn shop,” Sam panted when they were back in the car. 

They had been in there for just over half an hour, and had left seven dead bodies and some destroyed equipment behind.

“Told you,” Natasha said as she pulled away from the curb.

“So, what exactly was that place?” Steve asked, “Why did we hit it? I didn't see anything overly important in there.”

“I got exactly what I was looking for,” Natasha said. 

“What? I didn’t see you take anything.”

“Of course you didn’t,” she said. She tossed something into his lap. A notebook.

Steve turned the small leather-bound book over. There was a black star on the cover, floating in red. He frowned and opened it.

“It’s all in Russian,” he said.

“Yup.”

“What is it?”

“Operating instructions.”

Steve felt a little sick. “For?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

Natasha looked at him, then returned her eyes to the road. She didn’t say anything.

“Jesus,” Sam said.

“The good news,” Natasha said, “is that I am positive this is the only copy. Hand-written. Goes to the handler with the asset. Ensures that no one else can take control of it.”

“Him,” Steve said.

“Him.”

Steve blew out a breath. “Okay, so can you use this to deprogram him?”

“I think so.”

The car was silent for awhile. Steve was overcome with the sadness that gripped him whenever he thought about what had been done to Bucky. Natasha, who always noticed when Steve was low, reached out a hand and placed it over his.

“Thank you, Nat,” he finally said.

She drove them home.

****

Bucky heard the front door of the apartment open and put his book down. He sat up on the bed and waited.

He heard Steve in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. He heard the thunk of the shield being placed on the floor. 

Heavy boots made their way to the bedroom door, and when it was finally opened Bucky got his first up-close look at…

“Captain America,” Bucky said.

Steve gave him a sarcastic salute, too tired or too distracted to notice the way Bucky was looking at him.

The cowl was off, but every other piece of the costume was still clinging to his body, from the iconic red, white and blue top, to the utility belt and shoulder straps, to the tight blue pants and tall brown boots. He even had the fingerless leather gloves on.

“That’s a new one, isn’t it?” Bucky asked, a little breathless. Steve always left the apartment in civilian clothes, returning in them later. “Captain America” never came home with Steve.

“Huh?”

“The uniform. It’s new?”

“Oh,” Steve said, looking down at himself, “yeah.”

“How does it...is it hard to take off?”

“Not really. There’s a hidden zipper on the side over…”

He looked at Bucky, realization dawning on his face.

“Here,” he finished, his voice dropping as he gestured to his left side.

Bucky stood and crossed the room.

“Where?” he asked, then moved his fingers down the side of Steve’s rib cage. “Here?”

Steve’s breath hitched. “Yeah.”

Bucky kissed him and Steve’s hands were in his hair immediately. His mouth opened under Bucky’s and he kissed him like he hadn’t seen him in months instead of a couple of hours.

“You okay?” Bucky asked when they broke apart.

“Yeah, just...rough night. Brought up some...unpleasant thoughts.”

Bucky frowned. 

“Did Natasha find the book?” he asked.

“You knew?”

“I told her.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “You didn’t tell _me_.”

“Didn’t want to get your hopes up. Knew you’d go on a rampage until that book was found if you knew about it.”

Steve didn’t argue.

“So she got it?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah.”

Bucky closed his eyes. “Thank Christ,” he sighed.

Steve looked seriously at him. “They’re never getting you again. I told you that already. I mean it.”

“I know.”

Steve pulled him tight against his chest. Against the hard body armour and the star. A gloved hand slid up the back of Bucky’s neck and gripped his short hair.

“Can I get another look at you?” Bucky asked, after a minute.

Steve released him and stepped back.

“God damn,” Bucky said. It was overwhelming, seeing Steve like this. He met Steve’s eyes and didn’t miss the hunger that had suddenly appeared in them.

“Bucky,” he said in a low, serious voice, “I don’t want to ask anything of you right now, but…”

Bucky just smirked and led him to the bed. He instructed Steve to sit on the edge of the bed, and Bucky kissed him before dropping to his knees.

“I’ve got a great idea,” Bucky murmured, his hands sliding hard up the insides of Steve’s thighs. Steve shuddered. 

“Been a while,” Bucky said as pressed kisses to Steve’s left thigh, “since I got to watch Captain America come undone for me.”

He nuzzled Steve’s crotch, which earned him a small whimpering sound. Bucky opened his mouth and breathed hot on the tactical fabric of the pants, then ran his tongue up the length of Steve’s concealed cock. Steve’s head fell back. 

“God, Bucky,” Steve said, “you always know exactly what I need.”

Bucky unfastened Steve’s heavy belt and unzipped his fly. “Just relax.”

Bucky gave him what he needed, secretly thanking him with each stroke of his tongue. Because Steve was going on these missions for him. Steve was going to make Bucky feel safe and free and in control, and Bucky couldn't tell him in words what that meant to him. 

Steve stroked his hair with gloved hands and Bucky felt himself release the tension he'd been carrying since Steve had left that evening. He loved the simplicity of this. The familiarity. The world was overwhelming and terrifying, but here, in their bedroom, with Steve in his uniform and Bucky taking care of him, he could almost pretend the last seventy years never happened. 

Steve came with a broken cry and Bucky hummed his approval around his cock, licking him gently until Steve had nothing left to give. Steve hauled him up into his arms and kissed him and promised he was going to make everything alright for him. 

****

“I brought gifts,” Natasha said as she entered their apartment. “And breakfast.”

She placed a white bakery box and a paper bag on Steve’s kitchen counter. She then gracefully hoisted herself up to sit next to the items, legs dangling.

“I thought we should have a talk before we get started.”

She must have noticed the way both men were glancing at the bakery box, because she grinned and opened it. It was full of perfect-looking croissants, donuts, Danishes and muffins. 

“Oh my God,” Bucky said, taking a croissant, “these are still warm!”

He closed his eyes and sighed happily as he took his first bite.

“See?” Natasha said, “this is exactly the James Barnes the world needs to see.”

Steve grinned dopily at Bucky. “Yeah,” he said.

“Here,” Natasha said, retrieving a small box from the paper bag and tossing it at Bucky. He caught it with the hand that wasn’t stuffing croissant into his mouth and looked at it. 

“What’s this?”

“Lip balm,” she said, “five different flavours. Gave the same thing to Steve a year or so ago. He loves them.”

“I like the root beer one best,” Steve confirmed.

Bucky opened the box and let the five little tubes roll into his hand. 

“You just rub them on your lips,” Steve explained. “Makes them less dry. And they taste good.”

“Since you two are going to be smooching all the time, I thought it might come in handy,” Natasha said. “Anyway, it’s just nice to pamper yourself a little. I got really into lip balm and hair products after I gained control of my life.”

Bucky opened one of the tubes — strawberry — and tried it out. He ran his tongue over his top lip when he was done.

“Good,” he said. “Too bad Hydra didn’t have some of this stuff. Coulda really used it after coming out of cryo.”

Natasha laughed. Steve didn’t.

“I brought something for you, too, Steve,” she said, noticing Steve’s mood. 

She pulled something else out of the bag, folded and fabric, and tossed it at Steve. He unfolded it and held it up. Bucky laughed his ass off.

“What on Earth…” Steve said.

It was an apron with Captain America’s body printed on it. 

“I had to,” Natasha grinned.

“No,” Steve said, “you didn’t.”

“Put it on!” Bucky said. Steve couldn’t deny Bucky anything, so he did. Bucky laughed harder at the way the “buff” Captain America body only covered about half of Steve’s actual physique.

“Oh shit!” Bucky gasped, “that’s amazing!”

“So,” Natasha said, when Steve had removed the apron and Bucky had stopped laughing, “I also brought this.” She held up the red notebook that Bucky was all too familiar with. All of the good feelings left him, replaced by icy, horrible dread.

Steve noticed. He moved closer to Bucky and held his hand.

“I’ve read it,” Natasha continued, “it’s absurdly simple and straightforward, the way anyone can take control of you. But I imagine programming you was...not.”

“No,” Bucky said. “It wasn’t.”

“There are ten words,” Natasha said, “Russian. Do you know them?”

“No.”

“But if someone says them…”

“As soon as I heard the first one...I’d know what was coming.”

Steve squeezed his hand. A little too hard.

Natasha gestured to the living room. “Let’s sit.”

They did, Steve on the couch beside Bucky, Natasha in the arm chair opposite.

“What happens when someone says the words?” she asked. “What does it feel like?”

Bucky sighed. He knew Steve was going to hate this.

“It...hurts. Like, a bad headache. Really bad. And sudden. And then...um…”

“Take your time.”

He closed his eyes and concentrated. It was hard to find the right words for the thing that terrified him the most.

“It’s like...falling. Or...watching myself fall. Just disappearing into nothing while I try to hold on.”

Beside him, Steve leaned forward, elbows on his knees and his hands covering most of his face.

Bucky turned to him. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Don’t,” Steve said. His voice trembled with rage. “Don’t you _ever_ apologize to me. To _anyone._ ”

Bucky turned back to Natasha. “Anyway, that’s what it feels like. Then I don’t really feel anything. I just...wait to be told what to do.”

“Have you ever heard just one of the words, just by accident? In a random situation?”

“I don’t know.”

“So nothing happens if you hear one of the words on its own? It has to be this sequence?”

“I think so.”

“Simnátsat,” she said.

Bucky’s brow furrowed, but nothing else happened.

“What was that? What does that mean?” Steve asked.

“Seventeen,” Natasha said calmly.

“Why did you-”

“The words are just random. Seventeen is one of them. I just needed to see.”

“Seventeen…” Steve said to himself, bewildered.

“So what’s the plan?” Bucky asked.

Natasha shifted so she was sitting cross legged in the chair. “If I have your permission,” she said, “I am going to contact the doctor who deprogrammed me.”

“You had trigger words?” Bucky asked, surprised. He knew she was from the Red Room, knew she had been an assassin, but…

“Not like you. Not exactly. I had words that would shut me down. Like an emergency back-up. But what I did for the Soviets, I had been trained to do since I was a child. They didn’t need to force me. I believed in what I was doing. ”

“Until you didn’t,” Steve said.

“Until I didn’t.”

“So where’s this doctor?” Bucky asked.

“London,” Natasha said, “but she’ll come here. She was SHIELD, but now no one is SHIELD. She’s good. I guess I’m lucky she wasn’t secretly Hydra.”

“Are you _sure_ she isn’t?”

Natasha looked at Steve. “Yes.”

Bucky liked Natasha. She was straightforward and unemotional, but he could tell how much she valued the very small group of people she considered friends. 

“Alright,” Bucky said, “call the doctor.”

Natasha nodded. “In other news,” she said, turning to Steve, “how’d you like to take out a Hydra base in Argentina for our first mission?”

“Argentina,” Bucky said. “That’s a big one.”

“Yes it is.”

“What kind of firepower you got?” Bucky asked.

“Me,” she said, “Sam. Clint. Sharon. Bruce said he’d help. He’s been staying out of this for now. He didn’t think his involvement would help you win the government over.”

“Bruce?” Bucky said.

“He’s a lot stronger than he looks,” Steve said.

Bucky had no idea what Steve was talking about, but he let it slide for now.

“Has anyone heard from Thor?” Steve asked.

“Not since London,” Natasha said.

“Right,” Steve frowned.

“I can tell you all about Argentina,” Bucky said. “They kept me in storage there for awhile, then had me train a small army. We had three recruits try to escape one night, I was...sent after them.”

Bucky left out the part about the recruits being fifteen years old. At the most.

A horrible silence filled the room anyway.

“You can help us prep for this mission,” Natasha said, all business, “But you’re staying here until we’re sure you’re free of Hydra’s programming. Then you can help us hunt down every last one of those monsters.”

“If you want,” Steve quickly added.

“I do,” Bucky said, “I want that. If I know they can’t control me, then I want nothing more than to kill each and every one of them. I never thought it was possible to take Hydra down, but what you guys did in Washington...Jesus. Fucking nice job.”

“Just needed the right motivation,” Steve said, smiling sadly at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “You keep doing shit like that for me it’s gonna make it hard to buy you a Christmas present.”

“You guys are gross,” Natasha said, smirking affectionately. She stood and walked toward their front door. “I need to make some calls. I'll be back later.”

Steve moved to see her out, but she was already gone. He frowned after her. Bucky got up, grabbed a cherry Danish, and waited for Steve to start saying concerned things like, 

“Are you sure you're ready for all of this? The doctor? The...code words?”

Bucky shrugged. Short answer: no, and he never would be. But the answer that was also true, and he went with, was,

“I want this to be over. Sooner the better.”

“I know, but…”

“What would you do, if you were me?”

Steve sighed. “I'd get it done. Sooner the better. Same as you.”

Bucky put the pastry down and walked over to Steve. He wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“I want us to be as safe and happy and _normal_ as possible,” Bucky said. “I know that we'll never be perfect in any of those categories, but I need to try.”

Steve looked like he might cry. He kissed Bucky. 

“That's all I want, too,” he said softly. 

He kissed him again, deeper this time. Bucky pushed his hands up under Steve’s t-shirt. 

“Hey,” Bucky murmured, “how soon did she say she was coming back?”

“Didn't,” Steve breathed. 

“Hmm…”

“We can be quick…” Steve said. 

“Be just like during the war,” Bucky grinned. 

“Yeah, except Nat won't care.”

Steve made a surprised noise as Bucky simultaneously kissed him and picked him up and sat him on the counter. It took Steve a second, but he got with the program, grabbing Bucky’s shoulders and kissing him back hungrily. Bucky slid his hands up Steve’s strong thighs, digging his thumbs in. Steve moaned into Bucky’s mouth and moved his own hands down so he could push Bucky’s t-shirt up.

“We should…” Steve stammered, “we should go to the bedroom.”

“Mm,” Bucky said, flicking open the button on Steve’s jeans. He carefully pulled the zipper down, then pushed his hand inside so he could grip at Steve’s erection.

“ _God_ ,” Steve panted, “come on. Let’s…”

“Fine,” Bucky sighed, “but only because I wanna blow ya, and this is an awkward angle.”

Steve slid down off the counter, and they stood eye-to-eye, and inch apart.

“I love you,” Steve said, very seriously.

“Love you, too,” Bucky said. “Lemme show you how much, huh?”

****

“This,” Natasha said, “is Dr. Elena Ulanov.”

Bucky took in the tall, dark-haired woman who had followed Natasha into Steve’s apartment. She was probably in her fifties.

“Hello, Sergeant Barnes,” she said, her English heavily accented.

“You’re Russian,” he said.

“Yes,” she replied.

“We’re not _all_ bad,” Natasha smiled.

They all moved to the living room to sit.

“I’ve read the files that Natasha provided me,” Dr. Ulanov said, “and I’ve read the...operating manual.” 

“I thought Walker had the files,” Steve said, looking at Natasha.

“I made copies. What do I look like?”

“Your circumstances,” the doctor continued, “are...unique. I have deprogrammed dozens of brainwashed individuals from a number of organizations, but I have not seen any programming as...thorough...as yours.”

Bucky grimaced.

“Yeah. Shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, I guess,” he said. He forced a tight smile.

“I did not say I could not undo what has been done,” she said, “I am _very_ good at what I do, Sergeant. I am only commenting on the depth of your programming because I am astounded at how well you are functioning.”

“Oh,” Bucky said. “Well, uh...thanks.”

When Natasha told them the plan, Steve’s immediate reaction was,

“No. No way.”

He looked furious that Natasha would even suggest it. 

“It's the safest place in the area to do it,” she explained, unfazed by Steve’s menacing glare. “Unless you'd like to put innocent lives in danger.”

Bucky’s stomach dropped at the very suggestion of returning to the bank vault. He dug his fingers into the arm of the couch, trying to calm his racing heart. 

“He can't go back there,” Steve said, his voice still firm and angry. “We can't ask that of him.”

Bucky took some slow breaths, fighting against the impending panic attack. 

“It's okay,” he lied. 

They all turned to look at him. 

“Bull _shit_ , it's okay!” Steve said, his anger now directed at Bucky. “You're white as a damn sheet, Buck!”

Natasha stood and crossed the room. She knelt in front of Bucky and put her hands on his arms. She looked him in the eye. 

“It will just be me, you, and Dr. Ulanov in there,” she said. “No one will be trying to hurt you. Only help you. It's just a secure place to do it.”

“You forgot somebody,” Steve said. 

“No. I didn't.” Natasha turned her head. “You can't be there, Steve. Not for this.”

“To hell with that!” Steve said. 

“No,” Bucky said, “she's right. You can't be there.”

“Why on Earth not?”

“You'll interfere,” Natasha said. 

“I won't!”

“Really?” she asked, eyebrow raised. “You'd be just fine standing by and watching him suffer through it?”

“I-”

“Because I imagine it's going to be rough, Steve. We're going to be pushing Bucky to his limits of fighting back against Hydra’s programming.” She looked back at Bucky when she said the last part. He nodded. 

“Then I should be there,” Steve said, his voice more quiet now. Sadder. “I can help him focus.”

“Steve-”

“He might be right,” Bucky said. 

That got their attention.

“Steve is…” Bucky gave a broken laugh, “that dumb asshole seems to be the only thing that makes my brain work right. The only thing Hydra couldn't burn outta me completely.”

“See?” Steve said, sounding both triumphant and devastated, “I could be useful. An anchor, y’know?”

Natasha considered this. She looked at the doctor, who nodded. 

“Alright,” Natasha said, “but one stupid move and you're out of there, Rogers.”

“Deal.”

“Well then...I'll be back here on Wednesday to take you both over to the vault.”

Bucky nodded but he felt like he might throw up. Natasha seemed to notice his anxiety because she said, “I won't let anything happen to you. And you _know_ this guy won't either. You'll be safe. I promise.”

“I know,” Bucky said, and then hastily added, “Thank you. For all of this. Really.”

Her eyes softened. “It’s gonna suck. Fair warning.”

He gave a small, sad smile. “Noted.”

****

Bucky didn’t sleep the night before. He knew that wouldn’t help, but he couldn’t possibly sleep. 

He was pretty sure Steve hadn’t slept much either, but they’d both pretended to. Both had stayed quiet in the dark, pressed as close as possible, letting the other believe they were getting the rest they needed and not torturing themselves with imagined worst case scenarios.

In the morning, Steve had insisted Bucky eat something (“Just some toast, at least. Please, Buck.”), and they waited for Nat to arrive. Bucky had retreated so far into himself he could barely look at Steve.

When they got into the car with Natasha, she explained that the doctor would be meeting them there.

“You boys get some sleep?” she asked.

Neither of them answered. They drove the rest of the way in silence.

They parked in front of the now abandoned bank. When Bucky got out of the car, he looked up at the historic stone structure. He supposed it was a beautiful building, but it filled him with terror.

He stood, frozen, on the sidewalk, until Natasha gently squeezed his arm and gave a little tug. 

“Come on,” she said, “all that’s through those doors is the end to this nightmare.”

He blew out a breath, and followed her in.

Bucky’s legs felt like lead as he moved himself through the doors and across the empty bank lobby to the door that lead to the vault.

When they got to the vault, Bucky saw the chair, though calling it a chair was generous. It was really more of a slab with restraints, designed purely for pain. His heart raced and he could feel himself start to sweat. He also felt Steve squeeze his shoulder with one big, loving hand and he tried to focus on it.

“I redecorated a bit,” Natasha said. “No more electrical equipment.”

“Oh,” Bucky said.

Steve’s hand gripped him harder, probably by accident.

“I’m going to go back out front to meet Elena,” Natasha said. “You guys alright here for a minute?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Steve said, his voice a little distant.

She left and Bucky let out a slow breath. He walked over to the chair and ran his hand over cold metal restraints. 

“I’m sorry you have to be here,” Steve said.

Bucky gave a tight smile. “Hey. At least the company’s better than the last time I was here.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. He looked hard at one of the corners of the room.

Bucky gave a harsh laugh. He immediately wished he hadn’t, because now Steve was gonna ask…

“What?” Steve asked.

“Nothing,” Bucky said.

“Buck.”

“Just...you got me in trouble. Last time I was in here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I, uh...guess I remembered you a little. On the bridge, y’know? Started asking questions. They weren’t too happy with me.”

Steve was right there, hands on Bucky’s arms. “I’m so sorry, Bucky.” Then, “You remembered me?”

“Yeah. I think so. They cleaned me out real good after that, but...well, you know. Can’t seem to forget you no matter what those motherfuckers did.”

Steve kissed his hair.

“We don’t have to do this here,” he said softly. “There must be somewhere else…”

“It’s fine,” Bucky said. “Let’s just get it done.”

Natasha returned with the doctor. 

“How are you feeling this morning, Sergeant Barnes?” Dr. Ulanov asked.

“Wonderful,” Bucky said. “Call me Bucky. Or James, if you want. Just...no more Sergeant, alright?”

The doctor gave a small smile. “James,” she said. “Alright. I thought I might go over what’s about to happen.”

“Okay.”

“I have deprogrammed Hydra agents before,” she said. “I am familiar with their methods. But you...you were an achievement.”

“You flirtin’ with me, doc?” Bucky smirked. If he joked around, he might not have a complete breakdown.

She smiled back at him. “I know you are nervous, James. This will not be easy. I will tell you, again, what we will be doing. You are going to sit in that chair, and we will use it to restrain you.”

“Okay,” Bucky said, as if she didn’t just describe the absolute last thing he wanted to do right now.

“Then, I will read the sequence of words that...prep you. But I will stop before I read the last one. And you will fight back. When you have fought it off, and returned to yourself, we will do it again.”

“How many times?” Steve asked. He sounded horrified.

“As many as it takes,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Let’s just do it,” Bucky said. “Should I-?” he gestured toward the chair.

“Let me help you,” Natasha said. She took his arm and lead him to the chair. Bucky tried to control his breathing.

He sat and took a moment to steady himself before he rested his arms in the restraints.

“You sure about this, Bucky?” Steve asked for about the millionth time that week.

“Close the restraints,” Bucky said. “Let’s get started.”

Natasha closed the restraints and Bucky’s started breathing harder. He could feel the sweat drenching the back of his shirt already. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the way Steve was looking at him.

“Alright, James,” Dr. Ulanov said, “I’m going to start the sequence. I want you to focus on whatever you think will best anchor you. I want you to hold onto that as hard as you can.”

“Alright,” Bucky said. “Yeah.”

“Wait,” Steve interrupted. “Wait, just...just wait a second.” He walked over to Bucky and bent so they were eye-to-eye. He held his flesh hand and said, “Come back to me, alright? I’m right here. You just need to come back to me.”

Bucky pressed his lips together and nodded.

Steve squeezed his hand, then let go. He went back to where he’d been standing before.

Bucky looked at the doctor, and waited.

“Zhelaniye,” she said.

Bucky tensed. She recited each word, slowly and clearly, and his head started throbbing. He felt that horrible plummeting sensation as his vision began to black out. He felt the monster inside of him wake up, vicious and snarling.

He tried to fight it. He _always_ tried to fight it. This time was no different.

What _was_ different was that this time, the words stopped. They stopped just as Bucky was losing the last of his grip on himself. Just when the monster was fully awake and thrashing inside him, ready to take control. It howled with frustration when that final word wasn’t spoken. Bucky gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut and screamed in agony. He clenched his hands into fists as the monster fought against the restraints. He wouldn’t let it win. He wouldn’t…

He could hear Steve, small and distant, saying his name.

“Bucky...Jesus, come on Bucky. I’m here. I’m right here.”

Bucky was in so much pain. He was overcome with frustration, oddly craving the relief of that final word. Of being able to just give in. Teetering on the brink like this was excruciating.

He thrashed in his chair. He slammed his head back repeatedly. He heard Steve again.

“Oh my God. He’s gonna hurt himself. Please, you gotta-”

Bucky opened his eyes. The light hurt. Everything was blurry, but he saw Steve. He saw him and he locked eyes with him, silently telling him, _I see you. I’m fighting. I’m coming back to you_.

It took over forty minutes. When it was over, Bucky knew his nose was bleeding. He tasted blood in his mouth, too.

He felt the monster go to sleep. Then Bucky passed out.

****

The second time was just as hard as the first time.

The third time only took twenty minutes, and Bucky didn’t pass out.

The fourth time it felt like the monster only stirred, irritably, in its sleep. As if it wasn’t about to be fooled again.

The fifth time was much like the fourth time.

After the fifth time, Steve said,

“That’s enough.”

Natasha shook her head.

“No. We keep going until it’s done.”

“Look at him! He can’t-”

“I can do it, Steve,” Bucky said weakly. “Let them finish.”

The sixth time, Bucky’s head still hurt, and he still felt his vision blacking out, but he didn’t need to fight much.

Each time got a little easier. And by the eleventh time…

“Odin,” the doctor said, and looked at him curiously. His breathing was even. His eyes were open and focused.

“Gruzavój vagón,” she said for the first time, completing the sequence. Bucky couldn’t be certain, but he thought everyone in the room held their breath for a moment.

“Freight car,” Bucky snorted. “Jesus Christ. Such a stupid fucking word.”

“Bucky!” Steve gasped.

“Yeah, pal,” Bucky slurred, his head rolling back against the headrest, “still here.”

“Oh my God,” Steve whispered to himself.

They kept him in restraints for a little while, just to be safe, but Steve had rushed over to him right away. He held his hand and stroked his sweat-soaked hair. Natasha left to get Bucky an eighth bottle of water.

“How are you?” Steve asked. “Jesus, you’re so fucking strong. I love you. How are you?”

“Tired,” Bucky said with a weak smile, “really fucking tired. But...I did it.”

“We’ll sleep for a week. As long as you want. Anything you want. I’m so goddamn proud of you.”

“I must look amazing.”

Steve’s eyes were wet, but he smiled. “You look like shit.”

“Not looking so hot yourself,” Bucky rasped. “Sorry you had to see all that.”

“Don’t apologize. Never, alright?”

Bucky closed his eyes and let his head slump forward until it rested on Steve’s shoulder. Steve wrapped strong arms around him and held him tight. They stayed that way until Natasha returned with the water.

Steve stood and faced the doctor.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I’ll have to see him again,” she said. “Tomorrow. Just to make sure.”

“Of course.”

“He’s a remarkable man,” she said. “I don’t think there are many who could have fought back against this. Or who even would have had the strength to want to.”

“Don’t have to tell _me_ how remarkable he is, Doctor.”

****

“Bath or shower?” Steve asked when they got back home. 

“Bath sounds nice,” Bucky said.

“I'll get it ready for you. I'll even wash your hair for you. That sound good?”

“Sounds perfect, darlin’.”

Steve let Bucky lean on him as they walked into the bedroom. He helped him sit on the bed, kissed the top of his head, and went to the bathroom to run the bath. Once he was inside the bathroom, out of Bucky’s sight, Steve took a moment to lean against the wall, close his eyes, and let out a long, shuddering breath. 

He hadn't been ready. He _should_ have been ready, but nothing could have prepared him for that. He would make sure he never had to see Bucky suffer like that again. And knowing what he had just witnessed was only a fraction as painful as the decades of torture Hydra had put him through…

Steve took another breath, and turned on the water. He dumped some bubble bath in because Bucky deserved all the pampering Steve could offer. 

When Steve walked back into the bedroom, Bucky was slumped forward with his head down. 

“Buck?”

Bucky's head snapped up. “Sorry. Just restin’ my eyes a bit.”

“Come on. Lemme help you get undressed. We’ll get you all cleaned up and then it's straight to bed.”

“Yes, Ma.”

Steve bent and removed Bucky’s boots and socks, letting his fingers trace over the bones in Bucky’s ankles. He heard Bucky sigh above him. 

Bucky removed his own shirt and then stood, shakily, and let Steve unfasten and remove his jeans. 

In the bathroom he removed his underwear and stepped into the tub. Steve helped him down until he sank, blissfully, into the hot, soapy water. 

“Fuck, this feels nice,” Bucky sighed.

“Good. You stay as long as you like, alright? I'm right here.”

They were silent awhile. Bucky lay with his eyes closed and his head tilted back while Steve just looked at him with a fierce love that made his stomach clench and his jaw tighten. He would protect this man. He would make sure he would _never_ be hurt again. That was Steve’s number one job, from now until whenever they were finally allowed to die.

He saw Bucky’s lips press tight together. His eyes opened and they were a little watery. 

“Buck?”

Bucky looked at him. “Went a long time without feeling anything good. Not a damn thing. Never thought I’d…that I’d ever...”

Steve watched his face crumple, as the man who had been so strong, had been through so much, finally just gave in. He put his head down and sobbed, body shaking, and Steve didn't hesitate. He climbed into the tub, fully clothed, and wrapped his arms around him. He pressed Bucky's face against his shoulder and whispered to him,

“Never again, alright? Not ever again. It's you and me from now on. End of the line. I've got you. I'm so fucking sorry. I've got you.”

Bucky cried for awhile, and Steve never let go until he lifted his head off Steve’s shoulder and sniffed.

“You're all wet,” Bucky said, his voice in tatters. 

Steve laughed and held Bucky’s face in his hands. He brushed the last of his tears away with his thumbs.

“I love you, Bucky. So much. I can't even tell you.”

Since he was already wet, Steve removed his soaked clothes and joined Bucky in the tub for awhile. He washed Bucky’s hair and let Bucky rest against him, his back reclined against Steve’s chest. They stayed until it was clear that Bucky was going to fall asleep in the tub if they didn't leave. 

Steve dressed Bucky in his warmest, softest pyjama pants and a long sleeved shirt. He tucked him into bed and curled his own body around him, holding him tight. He kissed the back of his neck and breathed in the clean scent of him. Bucky was asleep in minutes. 

****

The doctor examined Bucky the next day, this time in Steve’s apartment. Steve watched, relieved, as Bucky passed every test. 

Natasha patted Steve’s arm and quietly said, “He’s all yours now, Steve.”

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled. “Thank you.”

Dr. Ulanov left, telling them she was flying back to London that day. Steve resisted crushing her into a hug. 

When they were alone, Bucky said,

“She’s another one. Total stranger who just...completely fucking changes my life. Like that doctor back in New York that I barely talked to. Like Roy in Nevada. Like...Stark.”

“There are a lot of people on your side, Bucky. And there’s gonna be more. Just wait.”

****

There was a knock on the apartment door that evening.

“Natasha?” Bucky asked Steve. Steve’s brow furrowed. He wasn’t expecting anyone.

He looked through the peephole and was surprised to see,

“Tony.”

He opened the door and there Tony Stark was, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable.

“Hi,” Tony said.

“Hi.”

The two men studied each other for an awkward moment, then Tony sighed.

“Alright,” he said, “I’ll just get this over with. I’m here to help. Hydra killed my parents, and...they did a whole lot worse than that to Barnes, so...let’s destroy them, right?”

Bucky couldn’t see Steve’s face, but he could imagine the emotion and gratitude in Steve’s eyes.

“We’re glad to have you,” Steve said, keeping his voice even and professional. He stepped aside to let Tony in.

“Great,” Tony said, “What’s the plan?” He nodded stiffly at Bucky. 

“I’ll, uh, I’ll let you guys talk,” Bucky said, making moves toward the bedroom.

“Don’t leave on my account,” Tony said quickly, “I think it’s maybe time we got to know each other.”

Bucky was surprised, but he nodded.

“I mean,” Tony continued, “I’ve already seen you naked. And I’ve seen your insides. Seems like we should at least have a conversation. And this guy seems to like you.” He jerked a thumb in Steve’s direction.

“Yeah, well, he can be kind of dumb about a lot of things,” Bucky said.

Tony lit up. “I think we’ll get along just fine, Barnes. I don’t suppose you can get drunk?”

“Nope.”

“That’s a damn shame.”

They sat for awhile in the living room. Tony did most of the talking. Bucky wondered if it was easier for Tony to look at him, now that he looked more like his father’s old friend and less like the man who killed him.

“So this Argentina job should be no sweat, right?” Tony said. “I mean, we’ve got Bruce.”

“Speaking of which,” Bucky said, “one of you guys want to explain to me what the deal with Banner is? He some sort of super soldier or something?”

Tony looked at Bucky, then at Steve, then back at Bucky.

“Oh my God. He doesn’t know. Can I tell him? Oh please Cap, can I tell him? Or should we let it be a surprise?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You can tell him.”

Tony pulled out his phone and tapped on it. A video image was projected into the room of Banner.

And Banner was transforming into a giant green monster.

“What.” 

“Neat trick, right?” Tony grinned.

“What happened to him?”

“Well, he was trying to turn himself into your boyfriend here, but he must have missed an ingredient or two when he was whipping up the formula.”

“Tony,” Steve sighed. He turned to Bucky, “Bruce has a very...unfortunate condition. But it also makes him a very useful ally.”

“He's good in a fight,” Tony nodded, “no question. Clean up’s a bitch after, but-”

“He can control it?” Bucky asked. “He can change into that monster and just...change back?”

“Changing back he has problems with,” Steve said, “We’re working on ways of making that easier for him. But he's on our side, either way.”

Bucky felt a little overwhelmed by all of this information. “When he’s...when he changes...he can still control himself? He knows what he's doing? He can make choices?”

“It works better if he does the changing on his own,” Tony said. “He's more in control. But he's always a little...ragey.”

“He can be forced to change?”

“Oh yeah. Get him angry, get that heart rate up, you're going to Hulk City.”

“No one can control him,” Steve said quickly. “He’s not…”

“Banner isn’t really there when the Hulk shows up,” Tony said. “We just figured out how to be friends with both of them.”

Bucky snorted loudly. Both Steve and Tony looked at him. 

“Jesus Christ, Steve. You didn't think I might be _interested_ in this information _earlier_? Maybe share with me that you have a teammate who can transform into a destructive monster?”

“I'm sorry, Buck, I didn't...I didn't think about that.”

“Oh yeah, Cap,” Tony said, “total boner on your part. Banner and Barnes should definitely have lunch sometime.”

“Yeah…” Bucky muttered. He _would_ like to talk to Banner. He had a lot of questions.

“So how’s the arm treating you?” Tony asked, ending the conversation.

“Oh. Good. Thank you. Feels a lot better.” Bucky flexed his metal fingers as a demonstration. “You really build this by yourself?”

Tony looked offended. “Do you not know who I am?”

“It's impressive.”

“Of course it is. I'm amazing.”

“Bucky’s always loved that stuff,” Steve interjected, an obvious and clumsy attempt to make Tony like Bucky. “Technology. Inventions. Science…”

“Is that right? Well, you'll have to come by the workshop sometime.”

“Thanks. I'd like that. I used to love visiting Howard’s-” Bucky stopped, horrified that he had allowed himself to utter that name so casually. “Sorry. Shit.”

Tony looked at him, and Bucky could tell he was fighting some strong emotions. 

“He told me,” Tony said quietly. “He told me that you used to visit his lab. Ask questions. Help out if he'd let you.”

Bucky nodded. Steve spoke for him. “He did. All the time. It was his favourite place.”

Tony was oddly quiet for a moment, then said, “It’s weird seeing you like this. The hair, the clean-shaven face, the strong jaw, the all-American soldier good looks. Just like those damn photos my Dad used to show me over and over again.”

Bucky didn't say anything because there was nothing he _could_ say. Tony stood up. 

“I’m gonna head. Let you boys get into your jammies and warm up your bedtime milk. But Natasha told me you have a meeting with Walker tomorrow?”

“In the morning.”

“Alright. I'll stay in town tonight then. I'll go to the meeting tomorrow. Put in a good word for you guys.”

Steve smiled a little. “Thanks, Tony.”

Tony already had his phone out. “Jarvis, get my D.C. penthouse ready for me.”

“Warming up as we speak, sir.”

“Alright, well, I'll see you geezers tomorrow.”

He gave Steve an awkward pat on the arm, and then looked at Bucky. Bucky nodded at him, and Tony left.

****

“Stark has a crush on you.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Shut it.”

Bucky grinned from where he was reclined against the pillows on their bed.

“He’s got it bad for you, Rogers. You really can’t see it?”

“I-”

“It’s fine, if you want to. I don’t mind.”

Steve turned bright red. “I _don’t_ want to!”

“Or that Agent Carter lady. The new one.”

“It’s not like that,” Steve grumbled, pulling his t-shirt off. “She was just...before I knew she was an agent, she was my next door neighbor in my old apartment. I thought she was a nurse. She was...nice to talk to.”

“Nice to look at, too.”

“I was lonely,” Steve shrugged. “She seemed nice.” He huffed out a laugh. “I can’t believe she’s Peggy’s niece.”

“You have a very specific type.”

Steve smirked at him. “I do.” He crawled onto the bed, making his way up Bucky’s body until they were nose-to-nose. “ _Very_ specific.”

Bucky kissed him, tugging his bottom lip with his teeth before letting go.

“Messed up ex-assassins?”

Steve shook his head. “Just this guy from Brooklyn. This brave, strong, beautiful guy.”

“Gross.”

“Don’t care. You are. All of those things.”

Steve kissed him, slow and deep, his weight settling hard on top of Bucky, forcing him down into the mattress. Bucky gripped Steve as hard as he dared and pulled him down, making him heavier. Steve pressed his hips down, and Bucky’s head tilted back, gasping. He could feel the hardness of Steve’s cock digging into him, but he couldn't even move against it. 

Their kisses turned wild, and finally Bucky found the courage to rasp out,

“Fuck me. Please. I need you to.”

Steve was very still, his mouth breathing hot against Bucky’s ear. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Bucky talked him through it, guided him as Steve carefully opened him up with his fingers. Bucky had never had this done to him before. He'd never even done it to himself, but he knew what had worked on Steve. 

When Steve finally lined up, with Bucky on his back and Steve kneeling over him, Bucky was nervous and excited and scared and impatient. Steve was _big_. Probably not ideal for beginners. 

“You ready?” Steve asked, skin flushed as he slowly stroked himself. 

“Yeah. Come on.”

Steve took his time, offering soothing words and praise as he carefully worked his absurd serum-enhanced dick inside. “Oh wow, Buck. You feel so good. Gonna make you feel so good. As good as you always make me feel. You're gonna love it. God, you're perfect. So beautiful.”

Bucky bit his lip and breathed. He felt a little panicked as Steve entered him, and for a moment he thought he'd have to call the whole thing off, but he managed to relax and it got easier. It went from painful to uncomfortable to weird to…

“Oh,” he said. “Fuck, Steve. You feel…”

Bucky had always loved fucking Steve. He loved the closeness of it, being _inside_ of him, where he belonged. But _this._ Having Steve fill him, reclaim him, taking the place of all of the evil that had finally been removed from him. And looking up into Steve’s wide, blue eyes and seeing nothing but love and arousal and the fierce promise that he and Bucky would never be separated again. 

Steve was breathing hard above him, despite being a man with endless stamina. He wasn't moving, just gazing down at Bucky, waiting for permission.

“I love you, Steve. I love you. Please. Come on.”

Neither of them knew what they were doing, in these reversed roles, but somehow it was perfect. All Bucky wanted was to feel Steve’s weight on him, and to feel full of him. He had no idea how good it would feel when Steve would thrust into him, hitting some magical spot over and over that made Bucky lose his mind.

They were both so strong, and impossibly young, and so _obsessed_ with each other. Bucky felt like they could do this forever. He _wanted_ to do this forever. He never wanted to leave this bed. Seventy years of his body knowing nothing but pain and violence and now Steve wanted it to only know pleasure and comfort. 

He had so many things he wanted to say to Steve. So many fucking _feelings_ , but all he could manage to rasp out was,

“My Stevie.”

“Yeah, Buck. Always.”

****

Tony was already in Walker’s office when Steve, Bucky and Natasha arrived the next day. Sharon had also arrived before them.

“Mr. Stark invited himself to this meeting,” Walker said, his voice containing the exasperation that came from sharing a room with Tony Stark for more than a minute.

“Yeah, well. I thought there'd be muffins,” Tony said.

They all sat. Steve looked at Tony and nodded at him, grateful. 

“So,” Walker said, “where are we at with the deprogramming?”

“Completed,” Natasha said. She handed Walker a slim file. “This contains the report detailing the procedure, written by Dr. Elena Ulanov. She is one of the most-”

“I'm familiar with Dr. Ulanov,” Walker said, opening the file. He skim read the first page. “So you're good, then?” he asked Bucky. “All fixed?”

“I believe so. Yes, sir.”

“I'll read this over later, but let's assume you've been successfully deprogrammed and Hydra can't possibly take control of you...I still have the problem of how to spin this whole thing. The Winter Soldier has caused a lot of problems, and a lot of pain, for a lot of people.”

“Ah. I'll take this one,” Tony said. “Since I'm, y’know, someone who had his parents murdered by Hydra. Specifically by that guy.”

Everyone looked at Tony.

“I've made my peace with it, Director. Or, I'm _making_ my peace with it. I'm working on it. But as far as I'm concerned, the Winter Soldier’s first victim was Bucky Barnes.”

Steve wanted to kiss Tony. Almost.

“Is that so?” Walker asked.

“Seems pretty clear to me,” Tony said. “I build highly weaponized robotic suits, in case you didn't know. I'm not always the one flying them, but I'm always the one programming them. I could build a suit that was programmed to blow up Chicago if I wanted. I could stick Rogers in it. He'd be helpless. He'd be the one blowing up buildings, but _I’d_ be the one who destroyed a city. Can't blame the poor sap in the suit, gotta blame the evil engineer.”

“That seems a little simple,” Walker frowned. 

Tony shrugged. “Makes sense in _my_ head. And I’m a super genius, so…”

Walker looked around. “So no one in this room would have a problem going on a mission with Barnes?”

“None,” Steve said quickly.

“Nope,” Natasha said.

“No, Sir,” Sharon said.

Tony stood, and looked uncharacteristically serious. 

“The Winter Soldier murdered my parents,” he said, “but my father was friends with James Barnes. That,” Tony pointed at Bucky, “is James Barnes.”

Walker looked at Tony, then at Bucky, and finally at Steve. 

“I need to talk to the White House. I’ll let _them_ worry about how to reintroduce Barnes. It's going to shock America, I can tell you that.”

_Wait’ll they hear who he’s dating_ , Steve thought.

After they left Walker’s office, Steve put a hand on Tony’s arm. 

“Hey, um, thanks. For saying all that.”

Tony waved him off as if he hadn't just very probably changed Bucky’s life with a few words. 

“Not a problem. Now, what were you guys thinking for a uniform? Because I've got some ideas.”

“Uniform?” Bucky asked. 

“If you're gonna fight with the Avengers you need to dress like one. Come to New York. Soon. I'll have some designs for you.”

****

It had been four days. Four days of silence from Walker, from Sharon, from anyone who could tell Steve when exactly they could go public with Bucky’s return. 

Steve finished a long, punishing run — one that had tested the limits of even _his_ body — and climbed the stairs to his apartment. He was drenched in sweat, and he was pretty sure he'd need to throw these sneakers out. 

He opened the door and found Bucky on the couch, watching television. He looked as bored and seemingly indifferent as ever. 

“This movie is about a dog that plays basketball,” Bucky said.

“Sounds great, Buck.”

“It's not.”

Steve went to the kitchen and drank three glasses of water. He carried a fourth one into the living room. 

“Jesus,” Bucky said, “you go for a swim?”

“No. Just...needed to let off some steam, I guess.”

Bucky stood up. “You alright?”

Steve snorted because it was ridiculous for Bucky to be asking _him_ that question. 

“Yeah. I just wish Walker would give us the plan.”

Bucky nodded.

“You don’t seem bothered by this,” Steve said. 

Bucky gave a half smile. “I consider any day that something horrible doesn’t happen to me a win. Even being bored out of my mind is better than...you know.”

Steve moved to kiss him, but Bucky ducked out of the way.

“No way,” he said, “you’re disgusting. Hit the showers, Rogers.”

“You wanna join me?”

“Yeah, alright. Go get started.”

****

Sharon called later that afternoon. Bucky could only hear Steve’s side of the conversation.

“I don’t understand what’s so difficult to...how long, then?...No. Unacceptable. He’s not a threat! He’s not even...Did they read the file?...Well then how?...What are we supposed to do until then?...What if I…” Then Steve sighed loudly and closed his eyes. “I know, Sharon. I know. And I do appreciate everything you’ve done. It’s just...right. Yeah. Alright. Call me if anything changes.”

He ended the call and Bucky looked at him curiously from where he was sitting at their dining table.

“What’s up?” Bucky asked.

“Nothing,” Steve said. “Walker had his meeting at the White House and...they need some time, they said. It’s a sensitive situation, or whatever.”

“Well, we knew that.”

“I know. It’s just…” Steve got that look on his face that he always got when he had decided to do something and nothing would ever change his mind. He went to the closet and grabbed his jacket.

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked.

“Out.”

It was all the answer Bucky was expecting, really. Steve left quickly, and Bucky shook his head and picked up the latest trashy romance novel Natasha had given him.

****

Steve wasn’t back for hours.

When he returned, he looked triumphant.

“It’s done, Buck. We’re calling a press conference. Could be tomorrow, if you want.”

“A press conference? What? Where were you?”

“The White House. Things were moving too slowly so I decided to...use my influence.”

“You barged into the White House and demanded to speak with the President?”

“Not _demanded_! I just said I wanted to speak with him and...I did.”

“And?”

“He called Walker while I was in the room. We had a three way conversation. I’m very persuasive when I need to be.”

“Yeah. No shit.”

“They were planning on helping us anyway. They just weren’t sure how to spin it. But we’re just gonna announce that you’re still alive, that you were held captive, experimented on...kept in a cryogenic tank. The Winter Soldier isn’t public knowledge. As far as the public knows, you causing destruction in Washington last year was your first time out of cryo. We explain you were brainwashed, and that we have successfully rescued and deprogrammed you, and everyone will be thrilled.”

“Will they?”

“Damn right. So, tomorrow good for you?”

“Uh.”

“I just want to get it over with. I want to start my life with you. If you’re ready.”

Bucky took a breath. “I’m ready.”

Steve smiled.

“We should see Peggy first, I think.”

“Peggy, geez. I forgot.”

“Yeah. We should tell her first. She’s...not altogether there sometimes, but...I don’t want her to learn about this from anyone else.”

“No. Yeah. We should tell her.”

****

Steve went in first, and Bucky waited in the hall with his ball cap pulled down low. He was nervous.

Peggy had been overwhelming in her day. In _their_ day. An unstoppable marvel with an iron will and a devastating wit. She had been breathtaking, and truly the only person Bucky had ever considered to be good enough for Steve, himself included.

Steve had warned him, before they came to the hospice. She was often still the same sharp, wonderful Peggy, but other times she was lost. Steve was never sure which Peggy he was going to get when he visited.

The door opened. “Come on in, Buck,” Steve said gently.

Bucky walked through the door, removing his hat as he entered the bright little room that would see Peggy Carter’s final days.

“Hi, Peggy,” Bucky said awkwardly.

He could tell right away that she recognized him. Her eyes widened in disbelief.

“Barnes. My god,” she rasped.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Come here,” she said, “let me see you better.”

He stood beside her bed and, on a whim, took her hand.

“You haven’t aged a day. Either of you,” she said.

“I wish that was true,” Bucky said.

They had agreed that they wouldn’t tell her too much. Steve had no doubt that she was familiar with the legendary Winter Soldier, but she didn’t need to know that it had been Bucky all along.

“Steve told me you had been held captive this whole time. I’m so sorry, James. I had no idea. I would have stopped at nothing…”

“I know. S’okay.”

He squeezed her hand. She had tears in her eyes. So did he.

“But look at you,” she said, smiling sadly, “back together again. The two of you.”

“It’s something else, huh?” Bucky said. “Can’t seem to get rid of me. Not even a seventy year nap could shake me.”

Behind him, he heard Steve sniffing loudly. 

“Knew there was something special about you two. Saw it in Steve right away. And when I met you…” Peggy trailed off and closed her eyes. Bucky thought she had maybe fallen asleep, but she said, without opening her eyes and with a wry smile on her dry lips,

“Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. Together to the ends of the Earth. Who would have imagined?”

“We’re gonna tell everyone tomorrow, Peggy,” Steve said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I imagine people will be very pleased,” she said.

“And then I’m gonna ask Bucky to marry me,” Steve said.

“The hell you are!” Bucky said, his head snapping around to face his big, dumb friend.

“How lovely,” Peggy said.

“I am,” Steve said, grinning. “Right after the press conference.”

“Well get ready for a big ol’ rejection, pal.”

Steve shook his head, still grinning.

“You won’t reject me.”

“I will.”

“Then I’ll ask again.”

“Then I’ll say no again.”

Steve got a little more serious. “It will protect you,” he said. “It will protect both of us.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. What was Steve even doing, talking about marriage while the two of them sat at the bedside of his hundred-year-old ex-girlfriend? Things were weird enough.

“We can discuss this later,” Bucky grumbled.

“Fine.”

They stayed until a nurse came in to give Peggy some medication. They could tell Peggy had been getting tired, anyway.

“We’ll come visit again,” Steve promised, “soon.”

Peggy’s brow furrowed, but she nodded. Bucky wondered if she was getting confused. He put his ball cap back on and made a quick exit.

“Jesus,” Bucky said, as they walked out of the building.

“Still Peggy,” Steve said.

“Yeah. It was...it was real nice to see her again. Never thought I’d be able to do that, y’know?”

“I know. When I found out she was still alive, well...I had been pretty determined to see her. Immediately.”

“I’m sure you were real cool about it.”

“Not at all.”

They walked in silence toward where Steve had parked his SUV. 

“I meant what I said,” Steve said quietly, “about asking you to-”

“Can't do anything halfway, can you?”

“Nope.”

“I'm finally getting my freedom back and you're gonna chain me down.”

“I will be a fair and lenient husband. Very progressive.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but his stomach flipped a bit when Steve said the word ‘husband’.

“So I'm the wife?”

“Nobody is the wife, Bucky. Geez, get with the times.”

Bucky laughed at that and shoved Steve a little with his shoulder. 

“Asshole,” Bucky grumbled. 

“I can't lose you again,” Steve said, suddenly serious, “and I'll put up all the security I can around us. Way I see it, if a piece of paper and a couple of rings legally bind us, then, hell yeah, let’s get married.”

“That's fucking romantic.”

“Well,” Steve said, halting and moving to stand right in front of Bucky in the middle of the damn sidewalk, “how about this, then? I wanted to marry you then. I dreamed about it. I planned a whole life for us together in my head, knowing it couldn't really happen. But the craziest of circumstances has landed us both so far into the future that, guess what, men can marry each other. So that's what I want to do. Fulfill a dream I never thought possible.”

“That’s a little better,” Bucky said flatly. “You really imagined us getting hitched back then?”

“Damn right I did.”

Bucky's mouth twisted into a little smile, and he sighed. 

“Alright.”

“Alright what?”

“Alright I'll marry you. Yes.”

Steve grinned, but his eyes sparkled with mischief. 

“I haven't asked you yet.”

****

Bucky undid his necktie so he could take a fourth, and hopefully final, stab at tying a half decent Windsor knot. He was out of practice.

He saw Steve come up behind him in the mirror.

“You alright?” Steve asked.

“Sure. Yeah.”

“You don’t have to talk, if you don’t want to. At the press conference, I mean.”

“Whatever you think.” He swore under his breath at his latest lumpy attempt at a knot. Steve put a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned him around.

“You can talk if you want to, or not talk. There are no rules today, Bucky.” Steve undid the failed knot and went to work tying it. “Whatever you feel like doing. And that goes for everything. From now on.”

The idea of that was overwhelming. But he knew Steve would make sure it was true.

Steve finished the knot and took a moment to admire his work. Then, he tucked a finger under Bucky’s chin and tilted his face slightly so they were looking in each other’s eyes.

“I love you,” Steve said, brushing a thumb over Bucky’s _very_ clean-shaven face.

“Love you, too.”

“You look good. Just like...remember, before the war, when your cousin got married and you borrowed that suit from…”

“Uncle Ryan, yeah. I was...seventeen?”

“Yeah. You looked real sharp in it. It, um, got me a little flustered, I remember.”

Bucky smiled at him fondly. “Should’ve told me.”

“I’m tellin’ you now.”

They kissed and it eased some of the anxiety that churned in Bucky’s stomach. This is what today was all about. They would make their announcement, and then they would go home. Together. And then…

“You still planning to pop the question today?”

Steve patted his breast. “Got the ring in my pocket.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“By the end of today, we’ll be engaged!”

“If I say yes.”

“You already said yes.”

“Maybe I changed my mind.”

Steve scowled at him. “Maybe I’ll ask someone else.”

“Ask Stark. He’d be thrilled.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not until our wedding night. What kinda girl do you think I am?”

Steve looked at him in a way that made Bucky think he was either going to punch him, or throw him down on the bed. Instead, Steve took a breath, probably realizing that they were going to be late for their own press conference if he did either of those things, and said,

“Let’s go get your life back.”

****

The press conference was a big deal.

The President spoke first, and made the official announcement that James Buchanan Barnes was, in fact, alive. He also embellished a bit, stating that the United States of America had successfully liberated Bucky from captivity, where Hydra had kept him in cryogenic stasis for seventy years. It was close enough.

The shock in the room was audible.

Steve spoke next, confirming that the man they had rescued was indeed his childhood best friend. That he had been with him for several weeks now, including the infamous time in Palm Springs. He explained that Bucky had been trained as a weapon by Hydra, had been brainwashed and sent on his _first_ mission last year. To Washington. His mission had been to kill Captain America, and he had failed to complete that mission.

He explained that Bucky had now been successfully deprogrammed. That he had been through a traumatic ordeal, but that he was the same man he had known all his life and he was ecstatic to have him back.

“I expect you folks might have some questions,” Steve said when he was finished.

Every hand in the room went up. There was a wall of noise, with every reporter calling out to have their question heard.

“Yes, ma’am. You. Go ahead,” Steve said, pointing to a woman in the front row.

“Washington Post. Thank you. This is absolutely astonishing, Captain. Was Sergeant Barnes also a recipient of the super soldier serum?”

“No,” Steve said, “not exactly. Hydra had attempted to recreate the serum. They got close, and Bucky...uh, Sergeant Barnes...he was given their version of the serum. He has similar abilities to myself.”

The questions came at them in a constant barrage. Bucky was glad Steve was handling them. Steve patiently answered each question while Bucky tried to ignore how many people were staring at him and taking his picture. Each of Steve’s answers was clear and careful, giving truthful, but scarce, information. 

“Did you know the attacker in Washington was Sergeant Barnes at the time?” (“Yes, I became aware of that fact after the incident on the freeway…”)

“Did you actively search for Sergeant Barnes during the past year? When did you find him?” (“I was actively searching for him, with the help of others, and he was located in the Southwestern United States in January of this year..”)

“What happened in Palm Springs?” (“Sergeant Barnes was still recovering from his time as a prisoner of war, and he lost consciousness in a public place. I was able to transport him to New York City to get the treatment he needed…”)

“Will Sergeant Barnes join the Avengers?” (“That’s a decision he can make when he is ready…”)

“Were there other prisoners who were cryogenically frozen? Are there others who have received Hydra’s version of the serum?” (“None that I am aware of…”)

“How is Sergeant Barnes adjusting?” (“Remarkably well, considering…”)

“How does it feel to have your best friend back?” 

“It feels…” Steve turned to look at Bucky. Bucky looked at him curiously as Steve gave him a small smile. “I can’t describe it. I’m just so relieved that he’s safe and that we’re together. And, um...I’m going to make sure he stays safe and that we stay together. From now on.”

“Can we get a few words, Sergeant?” one reporter called out.

Steve looked at him, his eyes saying _you don’t have to_.

Bucky looked right back at him. _It’s okay._

Bucky stepped to the mic as Steve moved back a bit. 

“Sure, um,” he started awkwardly. His throat was dry. He tried to turn on a bit of the old charm. “It’s a real nice century you guys have got here.” There was laughter. “And seeing this guy’s ugly mug again is, um...I never…” he tried to swallow a lump, but his eyes were stinging and he was suddenly overcome by...everything. “Never thought…” he tried again. He felt Steve’s hand on his shoulder. Without thinking about it, he placed his own hand on top of Steve’s. The camera flashes were blinding. “I didn’t think I’d get my life back. Any kind of life. But I’m here, and...and so is Steve.” He looked up and blinked away some tears. This was embarrassing. “I’m grateful.”

Steve squeezed his shoulder. Bucky was sure, without looking, that Steve had tears in his eyes, too. Bucky stepped back so Steve could return to the microphone.

“I want to thank everyone who helped me find...Bucky...and bring him home. You all know who you are. We’re going to go home now. It’s...been a pretty crazy few weeks.”

There was laughter and murmuring throughout the room, then the commotion of dozens of members of the press frantically packing up their gear. 

It was over.

“Let’s go,” Steve said, his mouth close to Bucky’s ear.

“Lead the way.”

****

Steve drove them toward home, then took an abrupt turn a few blocks from their building. 

“Where’re we going?”

“I'm hungry. You like donuts?”

“Who the fuck doesn't?”

They parked in a neighbourhood Bucky had never been to and Steve led him to a small donut shop. Not even a trendy new one. A nothing fancy hole in the wall. 

“Sam turned me onto this place,” Steve explained. 

Steve ordered a paper sack full of piping hot round donut holes, covered in sugar. He handed one of the donuts immediately to Bucky. It was delicious. 

“Good, right?” Steve asked. 

“Jesus, yeah,” Bucky said, already reaching for another one. 

They took their bag of donuts outside and Steve said,

“Let's walk for a bit. You wanna?”

“Okay,” Bucky said, turning up the collar on his pea coat and tightening his scarf against the late winter wind. 

They walked until they got to a small park. Steve gestured toward a bench and they sat. The park was empty, the chilly afternoon keeping people inside. 

“So,” Steve said. 

“So.”

“You're free now.”

“Sure,” Bucky said, not really believing it. 

“We got rid of the Hydra tech, we got rid of their programming...we've almost gotten rid of _Hydra_. We settled things with Tony, and we've gotten you welcomed back by the United States government. Pretty successful, I'd say.”

When you put it all together like that, it did sound impressive. 

Steve put the bag of donuts down on the bench next to him. Bucky looked longingly at it until he noticed Steve reaching inside his coat. 

“So,” Steve said again, “there's just one thing left to do.”

“Steve-”

He hadn't been kidding about the ring. Bucky could see it now, a simple band of platinum. 

“Don't think it will fit,” Bucky said, waving his metal fingers. 

“It's for your right hand. Don't be dense.”

Bucky grunted. Steve took his right hand and looked into his eyes. 

“James Buchanan Barnes…”

“ _Sergeant_ James Buchanan Barnes, asshole.”

“Bucky Barnes,” Steve continued, “will you make me the happiest man alive-”

“Jesus Christ.”

“By doing me the honour of accepting my hand in marriage?”

“Gross.”

“Come on. Do ya?”

“Shouldn't you be on your knee?”

“The ground is cold.”

“You're the one who wanted to do this outside. And you're really gonna complain about the cold? To _me_?”

“I was frozen too, you know!”

“This is the worst proposal ever.”

“Fuck you. Will you marry me?”

Bucky burst out laughing. 

“Now _that_ is exactly how I always imagined you proposing.”

Steve grinned. “You thought about me proposing?”

“Shut up. Yeah, sure. What the hell. I'll marry you. If it will shut you up.”

Steve beamed. 

“Save the ring, though,” Bucky said, “I’ll wear it after we get hitched, but I ain't your pretty fiancée.”

“Fine. Can I kiss you at least?”

“You better.”

Steve leaned in and wrapped an arm around Bucky and kissed him. For all the teasing Bucky had been doing, he recognized the importance of this moment. For both of them. 

“I love you,” Steve said softly, his breath forming clouds between them. He was so achingly beautiful, and looking at Bucky with so much affection, that in that moment Bucky felt that it had all been worth it. The entire fucking nightmare of a life he'd lived had been worth it because it got him to this moment. 

“I love you, too, Steve,” he said, very seriously, “and you don't have to marry me. I'm yours. You know that.”

“I know. Just let me fulfill a lifelong dream, alright?”

Bucky smiled. “Yeah alright. I'm nice like that.”

****

Epilogue

Steve wasn't going to lie. Seeing Bucky in his new Avengers uniform — a high tech amalgam of his old Winter Soldier armour and his iconic Howling Commandos getup — did things to him. 

The bulletproof tactical jacket was dark blue, and covered in straps and buckles and weapons, both concealed and exposed. The jacket only had one sleeve, so his metal arm was visible and intimidating. The black pants contained more weapons, and a holster wrapped tightly around his thigh.

Steve watched Bucky check something on the massive machine gun he'd selected from the Quinjet’s arsenal. Bucky had kept his hair short, but his face was permanently covered in a layer of dark stubble these days. It was sexy as hell. 

Bucky removed his gloves so he could make some delicate adjustment to the gun. Steve saw the flash of platinum on Bucky’s finger, and he smiled. He rubbed over the glove leather that concealed the ring on his own finger. 

“Ten minutes until we're on the ground, Cap,” Clint said from the cockpit. 

“Copy that.”

Steve had told Bucky he didn't need to join the team. Didn't need to fight anymore. He could sit out this Argentina mission if he wanted. But Bucky had been determined. He had assured Steve that this was what he wanted. He wanted to be useful. He wanted revenge. He wanted to fight at Steve’s side again.

Bucky turned and looked at him, ice blue eyes that had captivated Steve his whole life.

“You ready?” Steve asked. 

“Hell yes,” Bucky replied. He walked over to him. “Listen. Before we get down there and start raising hell, I just want you to...I might…”

“Bucky?”

“I don't know how crazy it's going to get down there. I might get...vicious. I just want you to know...no matter what you see...no matter how much it may look like I’m...him…”

“You're not.”

“I'm not. But I will fucking destroy these motherfuckers the only way I know how. Alright?”

Steve nodded. “Alright.”

It was terrifying and thrilling to hear Bucky talk this way. As much as Steve wanted to keep Bucky safe and secluded, he also wanted to see him in action again. He felt his cock stir a bit just thinking about it, which was fucked up and horrible. 

“Just be smart. Be safe. You're on a team here. No reason to get stupid.”

Bucky smiled and shook his head. “You're one to fucking talk.”

Steve cupped a hand around the back of Bucky’s head and tipped their foreheads together. 

“If I have to cancel our honeymoon because you do something stupid like die, I'm going to be mad as hell.”

“Then I won't die,” Bucky said, “and we’ll be hiking in New Zealand next week.”

“Nope, strike. Foul,” Tony said, walking past them, “there is a strict rule against PDAs on Avengers missions. You get a warning this time, Rogers. One more and you're off the team.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Let's show these youngsters how to fight.”

Bucky grinned. “Let ‘em try to keep up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I truly appreciate all of the kudos and comments.


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